Faith(215)

SCF Update

2009-07-16T11:50:00.001-07:00

So since I've been doing The Lord's Table at Setting Captives Free (settingcaptivesfree.com) things have been good. I've been able to identify reason for eating better and doing what they call GBS (growling belly syndrome) to decide when I will and will not eat. That is a ridiculously easy accountability method that I'd never EVER thought about before. I've actually done this before but not consciously. Eating everything in moderation until satisfied, but not necessarily eating only when hungry.

It's a common sense thing but truly not something most of us actually put into practice and it's changing the way I look at how I eat. For instance the recommendation is to eat only when hungry, so when I eat dinner I'm not usually hungry for dessert or any snacks so it's like well what do I do I'm not going to stop snacking. On those occasions I may want to opt to snack over having a full meal. Doesn't mean I'd eat junk food all day and nothing else, but that there is no law that says I have to eat what would be considered a full meal to have had dinner or breakfast or lunch. If I crave an ice cream sundae and that fills me then that's what I eat for that meal and if I get hungry again, then I eat something else. And the key thing is moderation so doesn't mean I would choose to eat a sundae daily but on occasion it's not going to kill me and I'll find myself more satisfied in the long run.

Being I'd want to make the wisest food choices it'll mean snacking will decrease because I'm finding I'm not always hungry for them which is a good thing, learning my body and how much extra I can give it. Probably the key to why I'd struggle to lose weight when I was doing everything right because I probably was overeating and not realizing especially being I'd guesstimate not measure.

So it's really really good and spiritually my eyes are being open to so so much it's amazing, things that can creep into our hearts without truly realizing they're there and the work being done, all I can say is how gracious God is for re-reminding me of this site and now being committed to make the heart change.

One thing that I wasn't expecting is that they do have a weekly weight in, wasn't expecting it because the central theme isn't weight loss, it's a benefit to the program so I'd planned on going with the flow as I'd already planned to give my scale to my bro to hold however this will allow me to get the needed discipline in this area also, not peeking at the scale all of the time but just that one time to update on my course. And if I didn't mention in my last post I have an accountability partner seeing me through.

I can do a run down on so many answered prayers with this thing it's not even funny. And looking forward to finally being free from this roller coaster for good.

Setting Captives Free

2009-07-09T08:27:00.001-07:00

The Lord is so gracious, as I've embarked on getting at root issues that cause me to do the things I do, I was reminded of a ministry that I'd signed up for a few years ago but never went through with called Setting Captives Free. SCF is a ministry focused on doing just that with free online programs in the area of weight loss, sexual addiction and other areas (can check out a full list at www.settingcaptivesfree.com) by using the word of God and the reminder that our satisfaction is in Jesus Christ alone and that nothing will ever be a replacement for Him. It's a 60 day course and upon taking the first lesson online I've already had a lie exposed that I didn't realize. I ultimately want to lose weight to glorify God in my body, I'm not like I was when I was younger where I could have easily lost on the motivation to lose alone so I couldn't really see what could possibly hinder me. One thing I realized is that I was placing myself in a better position than some believers I know who went the route of weight loss surgery. While I wanted to applaud them for getting at the weight and I'd even discussed with a coworker when asked if I'd ever do it that I would not because it doesn't get the the root issue that causes one to eat in the first place, I hadn't realized that I partly wanted to lose to show those up that went the quicky route!

Sin is so deceitful and actually before I'd even went on the site, I was speaking with the Lord repenting for this very thing as I ran into said coworker saw how slim she's getting and reminded myself that she did it all wrong "I'm after all doing it the right way to glorify God" such pride! And thankfully that's been revealed repentance has taken place and I can move forward. Will be investing in a book from the dollar store today to do more examination of what could be my motives for losing other than glorifying God. And for those that may not be Christian reading this and may say what's the big deal, there are all sort of benefits to loosing weight however God made mankind to glorify Him, everything that we do for Him has benefit that far outweighs what we'd do to big up ourselves. So while it sounds silly and possibly "selfish of God" in reality everything we do is for His glory and our good. So anything done for God through us, we also benefit from. Example as it relates to this post, if I lose weight to look good I'd never reach a goal that would say I look good enough. If I lose weight because God didn't create me to be so overstuffed that the extra fat shows up in pounds on my body, I can be satisfied in knowing I'm at a healthy weight for my frame even if it's not the type of body I'd desire for myself.

So I'm excited for the journey:) Lastly, wanted to share a quote off of their site:
"One course member wrote, "I have been reminded that I can't just cut back on food but must actively find my satisfaction in Christ. The difference between The Lord's Table and other 'Christian' diet programs I've tried is that even if they say they focus on trusting Christ for strength, they don't teach learning to drink from Christ. They don't get to the root problem, which is finding our satisfaction in something outside of Christ.""

It's difficult to think wow I wasn't satisfied in Christ..well not really I know I can't say I was because my struggles are evidence of that yet I didn't know what area I wasn't satisfied in Him, this is giving me the tools needed to get at those root issues.

Oh also the program offers a mentor if those interested want to request one and suggests having an accountability partner.

Will be blogging throughout this journey and like I said with not trying to focus on weight loss but getting at these root issues, same here weight loss will just be an added bennie and still need to get that scale on over to my bro's house:)

Ahhh Hah!

2009-07-07T15:43:00.000-07:00

So as I posted yesterday (feels good on a roll two days of blogging:)) I'm working on killing old habits that creep up and end up sabotaging my weight loss. One such habit popped up today....lemme explain.

I went shopping yesterday with my daughter and we went out to eat, I ate out a ridiculous amount over the past few weeks and decided there and then I was going over to target, getting a few items so that we'd have breakfast and lunch for the next day, she's spending the summer with me at work. Refuse to spend a dime on food from a restaurant again for a minute. So also decided then and there, hey why don't I make this my 1st habit to kick, eating out less and carrying in my breakfast and lunch, and cooking dinner at home. That's the goal no calorie counting or anything just breaking this habit first and then growing from there.

Got into Target and picked up some smart foods popcorn, 100 calorie pack hostesses and stopped myself from getting anything else in the will aide in weight loss department. Today went to Whole Foods to buy food for dinner and immediately I'm over at the fruits, picked up some Agave and was searching out some Cream of Wheat or something to put in the oatmeal I already have. Great choices yes but problem is, I'm going from my "break from diet" stage to "time to diet" stage, all subconsciously let me add.

So I didn't buy any fruit( will do so but at the farmer's market and within reason) decided to do the same captin crunch breakfast tomorrow as I did today and again slapped my hands from going healthy...did buy the agave.

And point being again not that eating healthy is wrong, indeed it's what I need to strive for. But right now I need to break a habit that's been going on for who knows how long so that when I go for these items it's a permanent part of my life but because internally the on a diet alarm is sounding.

So that's my starter point, breaking the dining out habit and preparing my own meals except they won't be weight loss focused but simply eating at home. Not to say I'm going to stuff myself with whatever garbage I want to when I want, am saying I'm not going to put focus on both limiting certain foods and seeking to prepare them at home, focusing on the prep and growing from there.

Long time no blog to

2009-07-05T16:12:00.000-07:00

Wow I haven't blogged in a crazy long time, all started when I got sick for like two weeks, then busy then sick again. In between all of that got off track a bit but haven't gained too much back. I say it over and over again but this time I'm fo real, not weighting myself for a while. Plan on asking my brother to babysit my scale for a minute so that I don't have to temptation here to jump on it. I just get way too focused on the numbers and tend to do worse in getting comfortable after a lost than a gain so figured if I simply carry around a fear of gaining with me:) I'll simply continue to lose. Something trigger in me that says okay you're doing good splurge now and one of the ways I'm killing that is to get rid of the scale.

I lose best when I'm just living life as normal. Being weight loss should be about lifestyle change and not just a quick fix get it off type thing, that makes sense that I do well when it feels as if it's a part of my every day life so simply going to have to go the route of eating better, working out and watching myself shrink without knowing the exact numbers.

Also working on killing old ways of thinking I know this but get lazy and stop as if that's going to change in a day. I did my first diet when I was about 11 or 12 and it was a literal diet of deprivation to where I'd lose weight then when I couldn't take the restriction fall off then get back on. Then discovering the "trick" of eating whatever you want before dieting then restarting. So those practices are still deeply embedded and is going to take some work to die to them.

Lastly my gym closed on me so haven't been there yet needed to put it on hold for the summer anyway so it worked out. The good thing is I joined via job bennies so I can join another gym. Wasn't able to put a freeze on the membership but can reactivate my now cancelled membership before 3 months are up so will either do that, or go to another gym I really wanted to join who isn't covered via my bennies but you pay by the class anyway. Only downfall is that I payed that hefty initial fee so debating on carrying out the full year.

So that's where I am, there's tons more I'm sure so let me say that's where I'll leave it:)

Under the Weather

2009-05-21T09:50:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone in internetland:) My lack of posting has been due to being under the weather will be back at it next week.

Biggest Loser/Leah Smith

2009-05-13T17:23:00.000-07:00

Anyone catch the biggest loser finale last night? It was really long and I'm amazed I actually got through the entire thing. I want to see a full behind the scene view of what they do. I've learned they work out 6 hours a day (wow!) and they'll do some samples of the types of food they eat but doesn't give the full picture, which makes sense but still has me curious. And I'm curious to know at what intensity is each workout. Can't imagine they're all as intense as the clips we're shown and can't imagine having Jillian yelling in my face for that many hours LOL.

But one thing I like about the biggest loser and probably the thing I first took issue with the show is the fact that they produce a love of fitness in the contestants. Most of them at least seem to reach their goal and stick to it afterwards. I didn't like the show at first because it seemed unrealistic for someone to workout that much and so they'd gain all that weight back. Unless they don't allow folks to get on the tube to tell it LOL, doesn't seem to be the case.

I'm more fore working out too now I guess that's part of it. And realize with my love of food and will gain even if looking at i:) I have to be active both to lose and when it comes time to maintain. Tomorrow I'm going t speak with my trainer if she'll have me because she's not training me now:) But going to speak to her about building up to run, what workout advice she'd give me. She's not going to be as easy on my as I'd be on myself so it'll allow me to push myself more. No Jillian thank you Lord but she'll push me and by no Jillian I mean the tactic not training ability. And I take her boot Camp class tomorrow so I'll speak to her about it then.

On another note, I've gotten the video uploaded from last Friday's outing with my sis in law. It's just a sample of the artist that sung that night. Didn't take pics of my food which was really good. And ignore the heads and conversations going on:) Wasn't the best position to record and didn't want to block people behind me by standing.

Leah Smith at Chris Jazz Cafe from Faith215 on Vimeo.

Doing a Marathon....maybe:)

2009-05-12T04:19:00.000-07:00

There were some guys at my gym yesterday from ING Direct promoting a marathon they have going on in Philly. I'm thinking about doing it, it's not until September and it is an incentive to do more running during my workouts. Usually (when on treadmill) I do a 3 minute run which is so very rewarding but also wears me out, just those few minutes. I think for me I just don't like the way it feels oppose to it being that difficult. I also found it to be more enjoyable when I did the same on a track oppose to a treadmill. For now treadmill is my best option but when I begin to do my walks Saturday morning, I'll add running as well.

Now I just have to find out more info on this ing run. The guy gave me a card but it doesn't give a website and when I did a search on it, didn't find it. Didn't search really long/hard but nevertheless didn't find it. I'm thinking part of it is (actually I'm certain this is the case:)) to get people to sign up for ING so when they call I'll get the info then.

Even if I don't do this one, It's something I'm striving to do and spoke with my trainer about keeping me abreast of what's going on out there.

Weekend/Mother's Day

2009-05-11T07:12:00.001-07:00

I didn't quite make my goal I'd set out for myself but I did lose 3.3 pounds which isn't too shabby:) And evidently my gain was a true one unless my weekend halted my lost. I didn't do terribly bad but it's always more difficult guesstimating calories than when I'm cooking for self or able to obtain NI for what I'm eating.

My plan this week is to stick with much of what I did last week, not hitting the gym twice daily (and only was able to do so a few times last week but did get in my days) but will keep busy to burn all of my calories needed for the day. I'm grateful to say I don't have any other food related plans for the rest of this month so not to say I won't go out to eat, but I won't make any plans to do so and will take advantage of the rest of this month in terms of really buckling down as I can think of at least 3 things for the month of June to plan through.

For Mother's Day I didn't do much. I was dealing with a stomach ache yesterday so didn't even make it out of the house and unfortunately meant not much movement at all really. I got through some cleaning so that helped but my usual routine would be go to church and do some sort of activity after church that would keep me busy at least to burn off some calories. I'm sure my body needed the rest but definitely missed getting that movement in.

My daughter gave me the most thoughtful gift, I've been buying her an outfit per pay so that I'm not loaded down with buying tons of new clothes at once and it's fun for her to get to look forward to that. She said mom this time buy a gift for yourself. Thoughtful considering her age 12 and very much early in the teen stage of things:) And she also sent me an ecard from dayspring.com one of my favorite videos of a little girl quoting Psalm 23. And it ends with a note of how mom's faith has an impact on their children, beautiful!!

I'll include it here:

Now I'm remembering to take my camera with me now I have to remember to snap pics LOL and upload them. I do have a few from this weekend that I will post, if not tonight tomorrow.

And so the planning begins

2009-05-08T08:45:00.000-07:00

(image from a recipe by Hungry Girl www.hungry-girl.com

I failed to mention in my post explaining the food challenges I'll face this weekend that there is still Mother's Day to be had. I may get asked to go out by one of the ladies at my church who so kindly remembers me on this day being my mother past 3 years ago.

Last year after trying who knows how many restaurants we ended up at Friendly's this year if the offer is extended I'll decline and spend the day cooking/eating with my daughter. And perhaps offer her and her daughter to come with. Thinking about imitating the shrimp and grits dish I like so much from what's becoming one of my favorite spots to eat Relish. I'll do a lower fat version and assuming it'll be lower fat as I'm not sure what's in the dish. Then do the same by way of a dessert. My daughter wants to be a chef and at one point we were cooking together once a month a menu so that she could learn how to make different things and encourage her desire. That faded some time ago but will use this as an opportunity to re-instate that as well as spending that time cooking together.

Tonight is the night I go to the Leah Smith concert also mentioned in a previous post. I checked out the menu at the restaurant/jazz cafe it's being held and going to go with salmon which comes with a potato croquette my guess is as calorie friendly as I could make this at home, it won't be here and I think I'll enjoy it rather than asking for tons of alterations. But controlling my breakfast and lunch, looking at a salad for lunch had a smaller portion of my oatmeal for breakfast with banana and a non fat hot chocolate from Starbucks.

And the concert is early, 5:00 so if I get hungry because I'm doing a salad, I can snack on a piece of fruit and be good for dinner and anything after that, will stick with fruit for it too.

Tomorrow is the bigger test, going to a festival centered around food and I'm so determined to walk away having not over-indulged

Are you a fool?

2009-05-07T12:46:00.001-07:00

And now for that non-weight loss post:) I just came across this quiz and thought I'd share with fellow believers:

If you take this be 100% honest with yourself about the answer that applies to you. Only you and the Lord can see it and He already knows who you are:)

I've seen on some web platforms where people will take quizzes that do not truly reflect who they are. For example someone shy and timid getting an you're as bold as a lion final answer. Nothing wrong with saying I'm shy/timid in an area and in order to grow rather than make self feel good with an answer that feels good in that moment.

I found this to be really helpful I'm reading a book by Nancy Lee DeMoss titled "The Power of Words" and some of the Proverbs in the quiz confirmed some things this book spoke on as well so while it's not fun to have a fault poked at, better to know they can be overcome than to stay in them.

Yummy Salmon Cakes

2009-05-07T03:42:00.000-07:00

I brought some salmon a week ago and put it in the freezer, not sure of what I wanted to do with it. Wanted to do something different than my norm of putting some garlic on it and a we bit of EVOO and baking it. So was pleased when I came across this recipe for salmon cakes. Made on Tuesday and they are so so good. Actually this has been the dinner meal for the week coupled with some sauteed spinach and corn Tuesday, and Near East Rice on Wed. Forget what I had on Monday now:)

The first batch I made was a we bit interesting because my blender/food processor broke, well the blade did so I cut the salmon into fine pieces but it still ended up pretty chunky but still good. Yesterday I went out and invested in a small chopper and I love this thing, may work a little too well as I used it to chop my peppers and it turned it into mush. Needed to do less pulsing than I did however it did put me in the mind of making Roasted Pepper pesto and Sundried Tomato pesto rather than buying it! So I'm looking forward to that.

Anyway so last night's salmon caked turned out really well being the proper consistency and all. They still broke apart a little because the binding agent in these is mustard rather than mayo and egg which is good and can deal with a little crumble to save on the calories and fat......just dawned on me mines were probably a wee bit too mushy from the peppers oppose to breaking apart due to not enough of a binding agent.

In other news, I've begun carrying my camera around so that I can begin documenting my food (and other) pics. Now I just have to remember to pull it out when I'm eating:)

For the recipe to the salmon cakes visit you will need to click within the post there to get to the recipe. However there are other really good recipes on this site so figured I'd direct everyone to the source first.

Crazy day yesterday

2009-05-06T08:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a horrible horrible day. Oh my goodness I'm not sure what it was exactly but I was really emotional. There are several things pressing upon me that I've been praying about and being a big girl in waiting for my Lord to come through. Not in asking for things from Him but difficult situations I'm facing and some of them the type that show you how you're completely dependant upon Him and cannot do it without Him yet He seems so afar off concerning said situation.

So I guess with each situation, they all just came to the surface at one time. One thing I have learned however is if I feel the need to cry and not sure just do it, don't feel like there has to be a reason in order to allow them to flow. I know there is a reason I feel that need to cry but speaking on if there isn't a specific understanding as to why I feel weepy just let them flow oppose to thinking up some reason to make it okay to do so and I therefore did just that. Also reminding myself that joy will come in the morning no matter how hard the situation may appear at the time.

Still not sure of the exact reason I was so upset I'm going to journal my feelings and get to the bottom of them individually again with pray as well as studying biblically for example one situation I was pretty angry about something that I hadn't realized how much so apart from it resurfacing, so getting at how to get past that over venting them out or suppressing it.

And one thing that I noticed in all of my emotionalism:) Is that I didn't overeat not once. I've questioned in the past if I'm a true emotional eater I know for sure I'll eat when I'm happy ie celebrational (yes I'm making up a word here:))situations. But I think when I'm sad I revert to a child like I'm going to hurt God's feelings if I put in His temple things that I know I shouldn't be putting in me because He's not attending to something I feel He should. After all He can heal me of all hurt and brings to mind overall those tears were generated due to some testing and trials He's allowing me to go through right now, there being several not sure what triggered me emotionally but all things considered typically I'll go into woe is me mode over utilizing that food to comfort me and knowing the damage to follow. It's so foolish but admittedly I've done just that in the past.

So I'm grateful that I didn't do that this time, woman'd up:) Let the tears flow and spoke to my Father about it afterwards.

I did however find myself hungrier yesterday and fighting a migraine so I ate more than I'd planned out but due to hunger over overindulging and still stayed in calorie range due to the fact that I worked out. Not trying to eat what I worked off so trying not to do that but have to make sure I'm getting what my body needs as well and yesterday it needed more than what I'd provided for it. Also thinking I probably provide myself more calories during lunch than I allotted yesterday and therefore hunger kicked in quicker and longer.

But moral of the story, I didn't overindulge gave my body what it needed and kept it moving.

And joy came in the morning concerning those tears:)

My plan this week

2009-05-05T05:48:00.000-07:00

I should probably take a second to mention this isn't a weight loss blog before posting further:) I'm talking about it a ton these past couple of weeks and considered making this my weight loss blog then doing an additional one but just don't see the time to keep up with two so will continue to do as I was however my weight loss posts are/will be heavier than they'd been because it's great accountability.

At any rate, my goal this week is to get to about 232.5-233.5. I mentioned yesterday how the scale is reading 238.5 but don't believe it to be a true gain so with the loss of what would be a 4 pound gain, hoping to lose one to two pounds. Wanted to really go for it and say get to 230, there are those rare weeks when I see an 8-10 pound lost, but in the nature of staying realistic and not shooting for quick loss I'm taking what I can get and 5 isn't unreasonable for me to lose after a gain.

What I'm doing to get there is:
Drinking tons of water- again I think my gain is largely water weight so making sure I'm getting in my water plus a wee bit more than usual.

Eating Whole foods- The type not necessarily the store:) Oatmeal, brown rice, beans, fruits veggies etc. Also Fish & Chicken, cutting out the red meat this week.

Hitting the gym twice daily- I don't burn enough calories in a day to lose over a pound a week, my goal is to lose two which is considered a healthy amount to lose weekly. So my plan beyond this week is to do some walking apart from my hour workout or my 30 day shred dvd by Jillian Micheal's. Because it's better weather (excluding the rainy days right now:)) I'll be doing more walking but with a rain week all week, decided to utilize 1/2 hour of my lunch to get in a short but effective workout. Then doing my hour after work.

Eating 3 meals 2 snacks daily- I'm one of those people that will gain because of not eating enough food. Then when I get something it not being the best choice so I'm being sure to have my breakfast lunch and dinner, sensible let me add along with two snacks, gain sensible so that I'm getting in enough calories as well as not being tempted to eat something that could cause a gain.

Planning out my meals- Not doing this to a science, perhaps I should but I have an idea of what I'm going to eat each day so that I'm not trying to figure out what I want or debating if I can eat it based on calorie content. I will be jotting down what I'll eat on Fri & Sat being I'll be out and about and around temptations.

Paying attention to my thoughts, feelings & getting at bad habits- My biggest weight loss secret is that I'm killing bad habits and getting at time wasting/unproductive thoughts. For instance seeing the scale go up after getting down so well, well past those 240's normally would have caused me to throw my hands up and say ah well I'm just meant to be this size not everyone is meant to be thin or I'm never going to get past this or I'm never going to beat these bad habits so might as well live comfortably and enjoy my food. This time around I've got my gloves on LOL and getting at them no matter how many times I have to do so.

Most importantly, praying - God knows me better than anyone, better than I know myself. He knows my needs why I do what I do and I just flat out need Him in all areas of my life or no matter how hard I try, I will be defeated. Doesn't mean He won't have me to fight it out and grow from it, does mean He'll guide me and order my steps if I simply go to Him and ask.

So that's what's going on in a nutshell. I'm making Monday my official weight in day and will update my weight then.

Godly encouraged/This upcoming weekend

2009-05-04T11:53:00.000-07:00

In an effort to try to keep blog posts to a minimum I'm doing two of them today:)

Another goal of mines (read my weight loss goal:)) is truly planning out my days, especially when I know I'm going to be out and unable to get back home to eat or simply planned restaurant trips. This weekend will look much like last in terms of being away from home and around food. A concert on Friday night featuring artist Leah Smith. Not sure if she's a gospel artist or not LOL but from what I've heard of her music definitely a Christ representative. And this venue serves food and since I'm going right after work, I'll most likely eat there. Will have to check their website to see if I can find a menu.

Then on Saturday, an event I look forward to yearly which lasts most of the day. Rittenhouse Spring Fling (in Philly) music and opportunity to eat some samples from some of the best restaurants in the area including one who's bill could come to over $100....just for you let alone others in the party!! Needless to say this is the only opportunity I get to sample their food:) And we get to sample these things for a few bucks. I'm being real with myself at first I was going to go with just going to enjoy the time out and music and walking people watching etc, but knowing myself better than that, that's not going to fly and so planning to do a fruit breakfast a walk in the morning and perhaps a stop at my gym on the way home which is off of the street the festival is being held. I don't typically eat a ton of food at this festival but I'll give myself freedom to make some choices if I want something that could possibly be calorie heavy and I won't have a way of knowing. The samples are small ones as well so another good thing about this particular festival but going with giving myself plenty of room to use and then working on not taking myself up on it rather than as I said not getting anything and not sure if salad is an option.

I was so incredibly encouraged a few hours ago, one thing that I see about myself this time around compared to times past as it relates to weight loss is I'm determined to do this no matter how many times I fall off and I pray that God will continue to build that drive in me. Old habits are like rising up and taking their time dying off so I have to fight and stay focused on what is causing me to do what I do. For instance I'm use to taking breaks when I go out to eat, even if I order the healthier option I don't go through asking the waiter to have it steamed or baked. And so I can without even thinking about it go to a restaurant and want the opposite of what I'd prepare if I were at home. Or there are bad foods that are tucked in my brain that I could allow myself within reason/moderation. So just truly getting at these things and not allowing myself to stay discouraged if I get there and keeping it moving.

As a part of my plan, I'm thinking I'll save the full out plan for a post tomorrow, again in the name of shorter posts:) But one plan is I'm going to the gym for a half an hour during lunch, then an hour afterwards. This will help me to get the calories burned that I'd been missing according to my gofitwear band. So I went over to the gym thinking I had my shirt and bottom but I had two bottoms. Decided I'd have to work out in my shirt because I only had 1/2 hour to work with and not enough time to change if I were to buy a shirt from the gym. And half hour because it's not right around the corner from my job I have to walk a little ways so only doing 1 day at lunch which gets me back to the office a litte later than it should and praise God for a job that allots that. At any rate I did workout, walk on the treadmill with a 3 minute sprint which felt truly good!! But I primarily was encouraged because I even got there for that 1/2 and looking forward to getting back in a few. Also went back to my oats and salad:) By now I would have considered rather or not I just need to be a rep for the 18 wearing females that gets hated on:) Not the case when considering my body isn't made to carry extra weight, excess due to my taking in excess. If due to some metabolism issue or thyroid problem then I'd gladly represent but due to gluttony or laziness never. And that doesn't mean I'll get to this goal weight that I have to stay to but within reason not giving myself excuses for being at an unhealthy weight.

New goal/Weight Gain

2009-05-04T11:18:00.000-07:00

I've decided to work on a short term goal before doing the other short term goal:) Originally I'd said I wanted to get out of the 200's. However let me just get back to the 220's first then go from there.

I kept trying to post this on Friday but either would close me out or I'd get too busy to do so but knowing I'd do this today, weighted myself this morning and weighted in at 238.5. I do not believe this to be a true gain however (would be a gain of 4 points) so not sweating it too much. Maybe two of those pounds are true ones but I believe it's the sodium intake coupled with a not so great weekend. Just horrid planning first off, I forgot after I said I was going to take it easy in the sodium dept that I said that. Decided to try out the new KFC baked chicken which it evidently isn't meant for me to try LOL. Because the location I'd gone to did not have it yet they gave out coupons to try it at a discounted price over the weekend go figure. So once I found out they didn't have it I went to Golden Crust (a chain Jamaican restaurant) instead and got some stew chicken. Wanted curry but got stew because curry would have been 20 minutes.

Then decided I didn't really want chicken at all so ate the cabbage, plantains and some of the rice and beans with some left over for the next day. Should have been cool calorie wise because it was that weird I'm not that hungry day. However I imagine my sodium intake to have been out the roof.

Then on Sat, knew I'd be going out later to a restaurant in Philly named Relish. Trombone player Jeff Bradshaw was the act for that night so wanted to go hear him play. But before that had women's fellowship to go to which involves food and a kid bday party at Dave & Busters which I figured I'd eat before going and then later at Relish get salmon and steamed veggies.

Well that didn't happen LOL. Women's fellowship was cool, ate 1/2 bagel & some fruit, oranges, bananas, & grapes. Got home from Women's fellowship and ate the rest of my food from golden crust still minus the chicken. I was cool after finishing but realized it wasn't enough to call a full meal. So by the time I got to the bday party (took almost 2 hours by bus, could have gone to NY in that time:)) I was hungry. And my time was off as to when it would be over so ate there instead in case we didn't make the restaurant later and what I got was not the worse but not the best, grilled chicken with bacon and cheddar on a wheat bun with special sauce that tasted a lot like mayo to me LOL. Thought we weren't going to make it to the restaurant but we did and I was again hungry by this point, guess my not so hungry day effected my Saturday which is now my hungry day:) So I ordered an appetizer of gullah shrimp and grits. My guess is the strimps and sauce was cool of course depends on how they prepare it but the grits are so cheesy and tastes like it's prepared with milk so needless to say not the best day.

Sunday was better choice wise but for the sake of post lenght I'll spare the breakdown.

I'm thinking I'll see myself back down to 234.5 in a few days but not going to track until next Monday:) My goal is to get back to that and lose an additional pound or two so a 5-6 pound lost which isn't too hard and knowing my body, especially if this is a water weight thing and not calories (was very active also over weekend let me add) I'm sure I'll do it.

Some before and afters

2009-05-01T11:34:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here looking at some old pics of me on facebook and wow if it isn't motivated to keep working this weight off!!

I like the idea that http://morapiggy.blogspot.com/ has in posting some progress pics in her sidebar at different levels of her weight. I'm going to do the same as a reminder to take some progress pics for one thing:) And as a means of showing myself and other how I'm progressing. It's not always easy to look at self in the mirror and see the difference.

at 253

This is the heaviest weight I've ever been. And I think I stayed that size for so long out of sheer depression, and also got that way due to being depressed. Before this, when I had my daughter I was 205, specifically remember this because I'd just done La Weight Loss and found out I was pregnant. Remember thinking how close I was to the 190's and hoped I'd be able to get back on track after I'd had my daughter. Well I gained very little only 30 pounds and it went once my daughter arrived I was back to 205. But climbed from that point up to 253 and stayed there until she was around 7 or 8 years old. Praise God haven't gotten back to this weight since losing.

at 244 (approx)
**At this point I'd lost weight and got down to 229 see pic after this, hence why I'm saying what I am here:)**

When I got up to about 244, I say approx because I wasn't weighting myself at the time and it's funny because I called myself judging by how my clothes fit but as I gained weight back, I didn't notice the difference in the clothes I was wearing! I recall I was coming out of an 18 but couldn't quite get into a 16. But only up to the point where I truly noticed my belt needing to be loosened a few notches did I start losing again and by then I'd gained about 15 pounds back. Needless to say this is the last set back if I can help it and thinking health issues or something not gluttony holding me back!!

at 229

This is when I'd gotten to 229 pounds, a pic from my daughter's grade school graduation. Now I'm not back down to this weight yet, close but when I am I'm going to take another pic, curious to see if I look different being this time I'm working out and eating right. During this time I did some walking, but that was about all on purpose. Oh no I did begin weight training around then but hadn't done so long enough or intensely enough to be a huge difference.

So that's it, I'm going to put either these or some other pics on my sidebar soon and keep updating as I lose.

A really good Chip

2009-05-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

I'm having a weird day. I wasn't very hungry this morning so didn't have my usual oatmeal yet decided to sip on some coffee to get in some calories. And just finished a sack pictured to the left.

Let me tell you if you haven't tried Herr's Baked Potato Crisps yet and like Lays or a fan of chips in general. Do yourself a favor and get these! I tried the cheddar and sour cream version last week and at first wasn't that impressed but as it grew on me I noticed how flavorful they were. This time with the BBQ, I couldn't tell that I was eating the baked over the regular. Now I'm sure someone that eats chips all of the time, especially those who don't do baked at all would disagree. And let me add more so the flavor of the BBQ than the chip itself tastes identical. But because of that flavor, don't feel like I've missed out on the real thing.

Love lays version too, yet theirs hardly tastes like the fried version of their chips. So these are a keeper for me. On occasion because of the sodium I have to watch out for. For lunch I'm having a roasted veggie Amy's pizza again so I'll have to be careful of what I eat for dinner in the sodium department. Thinking veggies and this rice I brought. Really good like a natural rice a roni. Don't have the pic available or name of product with me so will have to post more about that at a later date.

Go Fight Win:)

2009-04-29T05:29:00.000-07:00

Beginning on Monday I'm starting a mini-goal to get out of the 200's. Still have to do the calculations to see how long it'll take and I usually don't like to do that because if I don't hit a goal weight during any given week, it can become discouraging. However and again going back to the mind renewal issue, if I don't get at those things that can make me uncomfortable and fight through them, I'll simply find myself loosing at a snails pace continually or maintaining.

This week my eating has been okay but not as effortless as the past three weeks were. Not that I didn't have my challenging days but noticed since I'm not doing a cleanse or consecration anymore, I'm getting all of these cravings that are easier to say yes to because they I can say for instance if I wanted a hot dog I can add it into my day and watch what else I eat for the remainder of the day. However I may find later that I want cheese in my salad or that I'm not full enough and need to eat a larger portion of whatever it may be, making it easier to go over my daily calorie intake.

Basically I'm really casual which is how I like it and feel it'll be for the good long term with making this a lifestyle change, not just about losing weight. However reality is I want this weight gone also, and while I don't have expectations to lose 20 pounds in one week LOL. I'd like to be more consistent with getting off at least 2 weekly. Without allowing myself the well if I at least maintain I'm cool excuse.

Therefore my plan of action will be first to figure out how many months it should take if I were to lose 2 pounds weekly. And the goal will be to do some increased workout activity as my gowearfit band let me know I was coming in a deficit on most days. And possibly some calorie cut backs but judging by the time of year will most likely go with more increased activity.

Will update here of course my progress:)

Heavy food, ready for the grains again:)

2009-04-27T04:00:00.000-07:00

Was on a consecration last week which ended 12 noon on Saturday. Won't say I've been eating ever since, but I did take a wee bit of a break from my grains this weekend and praise God am ready to get back to them today. I went to this Italian restaurant yesterday and got Eggplant Rollatini which is eggplant rolled around spinach & ricotta cheese. Topped with mozzarella and tomato sauce. On the side was pasta which had a bichemelle sauce on it. All tasted so heavy and greasy. Good but heavy. Also a Caesar came with my meal which had loads of dressing and huge chunks of parm cheese and I had an appetizer, warm crab cheesecake. Actually didn't get through much of my main dish because was stuffed after the appetizer. But needless to say after all of that heavy food I'm so ready to get back to my oatmeal and salads.

I may actually try the KFC grilled chicken today, and eat a side salad with it for lunch I shall see.

Got down to 234.5 ( I think, can see on sidebar exact weight) I was so shocked and thrilled. Now 10 pounds away from that plateau weight I feel better about not getting back there and motivated to get further away from it. Also stepping it up in the work out department this week. I missed a few days last week for different reasons. But when I did go in, I did the treadmill, actually 15 minutes on bike, 20 on treadmill and remaining time on weight lifting. I started doing 5 minute runs on the treadmill again. It feels so good to do it! Yet it's hard for me at the same time those five minutes can't be over soon enough for me LOL. I'm looking forward to building up the momentum and perhaps being one of those people running down the street when the weather gets like it is right now.

I was actually thinking about that yesterday, I decided I didn't want to sit in the house after I got out of church and went out to dinner to have what I've explained above. I want to begin changing my focus to what I enjoy doing. I'll always love food and I love going to restaurants not just for food but love to people watch etc. But if I take up running or walking or thought about checking out plays, just something non food related so that there isn't always this temptation to get it in. Well yesterday was planned after just about 3 weeks of fasting or cleansing. Yet need to get out of the habit of feeling that need to reward after accomplishing something with food. Especially since my focus is lifestyle change over I'll eat healthy until I lose weight and right back to old habits.

And with summer approaching this is the perfect time to make such a change.

Love Amy's Food!!

2009-04-20T16:35:00.000-07:00

This is soooo goood!!! It's cool because I've wanted to try to make a pizza like this with caramelized onions. I'd planned on using tomato sauce but wanted to try the onions to see if I could create a pizza without cheese that I would like and well if I'm not successful with doing it myself, Amy's surely did a good job and I can just get it.

Not sure if I posted this before or not (so forgetful!) But I'm trying to figure out a way to grow my locs while working out. I'm locing with extensions so it's not too bad but it gets really bushy about a week or two after I re-twist. I've had locs before about 5 years ago maybe and I did it without extensions and it took a full year to loc completely so I'm not hopeful that this will be able to survive the perspiration. I plan on going to a salon once and see how long it lasts after getting it done. Sometimes others can do your hair better than you can, hoping a loctician will get it tighter than I am. Then my gym is generous in supplying a hair dryer that I can use after I workout. May also have to do dry shampoos as if I were locing on my own (without extensions) and having to wait before getting wet. I shall see but cutting them isn't an option.....nor is putting off working out.

With that said, realizing I haven't gotten in enough water today and my body is saying yeah pretty much so let me go take care of that:)

Don't Waste Your Life Video

2009-04-19T15:47:00.000-07:00

Love the concept of this.

Back in the gym

2009-04-17T13:23:00.000-07:00

I went to the gym yesterday for the first time in almost three weeks. As a matter of fact, my motivation for going is the fact that it had almost been three weeks since I'd last been. I took a break due to the cleanse which it's recommended to take it easy. That first Monday I went to the gym and just took it light which was my plan for the duration of the cleanse. However other things in life kept coming up to where I wasn't able to get in, almost didn't make it yesterday due to taking my student workers (work at a Univ) at work to breakfast as a part of student worker appreciation week. So figured I wouldn't take my lunch until it dawned on me I could do just that and went ahead to my class.

Going to go in a few minutes today and may if I can get myself out of bed early tomorrow, go tomorrow morning early as well. I tell you I had to keep drinking water my arms were tiring fast and the whole nine. It took much work to get to the level of strenght I did so my thoughts are to be sure to keep it light as I planned and if nothing else in the weight lifting department. Especially since I'm now planning to do this four times a year.

Also I realized I won't need to do the fiber pills because I started using flax seed. I put some in my oatmeal in the morning and it has plenty of fiber in it which keeps you full and well regular:) There are tons of other benefits to using it aside from this, I'll make a mental note to do a post on that real soon, right now gotta run out the door hit the gym and get home.

Weight Loss-Done Cleanse

2009-04-14T18:21:00.000-07:00

So my cleanse is done!! I'd actually stopped early with intentions of continuing this week. I got a huge hit with cravings round about Thursday which to be in the 2nd week is odd especially since I was truer to the outline this time around and cravings tend to subside around now. However I had a taste for salmon like everyday. And although I didn't eat it daily, I ate it often and I think that may have contributed to cravings kicking in, didn't feel as though I'd gotten tired of it but perhaps I did yet didn't realize. Or better put, perhaps my body was letting me know it needed other things LOL and therefore they kicked in:)

So I decided rather than fight through, history let's me know I'll just want to binge if I just try to stick it out. I didn't give into every craving but I broke the cleanse and had some of the things I wanted. Altogether I lost 7 pounds but I'm trying to figure out how that is now looking at my weight loss stats on the left hand sidebar. I was going through my plateau yet I don't remember getting up to 245.5 which would account for an additional 1.5 loss. Whatever the case I'm away from those 240's!!! They went out kicking and screaming. Hard but convicting, I never want to find myself re-losing weight again, unless it's because I'm trying to stay within a 10 pound range of my goal weight and yeah I'm not going to be obsessive about it so I'm sure I'll experience the occasional gain.

Now although I stopped the cleanse a few days short, I have decided to stick to what I was eating while on it. Being sure to get in more than just salmon:) and allowing myself some cheese and other things but ultimately my oatmeal in the morning, salad for lunch and fish(or some kind of meat) veggies and if starch, sweet potato or brown rice and snacking on fruit or other healthy stuff. I've been on a fish kick not just with the salmon either but I guess that aided in it. But I haven't wanted anything else which can be good but fish is expensive so guess I'll balance it out with some vegetarian dishes.

Lastly, I'm able to do this cleanse four times a year and so thinking I'll do it once per season this time around rather than just one per year. When I thought about why I may not have done this in the past, my guess is I was thinking about the moola. And yet again reminded:) that the money that will be saved due to better health is immeasurable. My migraine pills were like 20 something last I brought them and to have to take them daily compared to buying this cleanse, the one I did was forget how much but under $20, which would I prefer to do? And it's 4x's a year oppose to continuously. Then there are the blood pressure pills as well, forget what they cost so yeah doing it. And figured if I'm doing this that many times in one year, it'll truly change my diet, making it difficult to fall right back into old habits. Not sure that I'll do the same yearly but will see for this year at least.

Also going to stay with the fiber pills (was included with the cleanse) which can be taken daily. May look into other brands that may be less expensive.

So that's where I am on the weight loss front. Slow but I am getting there, as always a reminder of how my flesh is/what it looks like before God in every area that I struggle in how I have to pray but how I also have to fight it out. Knowing by faith it will indeed be conquered.

He is Risen!!

2009-04-12T06:54:00.001-07:00

So it's resurrection Sunday and I'm so filled with joy. Don't know what it is, I reflect on what the Lord has done for me all year round. But something about this dedicated time that truly causes me to reflect on His sacrifice. Perhaps because if I'm speaking to others, the holiday gives the opportunity to speak solely about Jesus. Not my testimony, not the testimony of others not why you go to church pay titles or give offering or whatever other thing that may come to my mind or the hearer's mind. But its' totally about Him why He came why He had to die how we should have been on the Cross instead etc.

Not that the above mentioned isn't about Him also but those things can give more segway to other things and other religions and why they do what they do. When Christ is the center all of that gets squashed not that people won't challenge you but either they believe, a seed gets planted or they do not believe. Not on the basis of anything man has done or proven but solely God alone.

And when it comes to my being redeemed, It's also a reminder for me of when I first got saved, how intimate a savior I have that He'd show me other men may have claimed they'd die for you to get something from you. But I did it knowing you had nothing of worth to offer me. Before you were born before you spat on me before you accused me threw stones at me mocked me and my ways hated my chosen ones etc. Very sobering so grateful to my Lord for His sacrifice one that I wouldn't have done on behalf of anyone if I'm being honest. I'd hope that if a situation came into play I'd sacrifice my life for a loved one. But can't front on doing so for someone that hates me. Yet I pray that He does such a work in my heart that I would be willing to do so ie Stephen. He could have saw their rage towards him and said shoot this is a wipe the dust off situation (Although Paul hadn't said it yet as he was there holding the coats LOL) But seeing their rage and ultimately it was the love he had for his Lord that drove him and like his savior he prayed that an account wouldn't be held against them (all paraphrased).

Let em go before I'm late for church:) Pray everyone reading has a beautiful blessed Resurrection day. Pray that this day until the day He comes for us, we will reflect on the price paid for our sins.

Daughter's Venture

2009-04-10T13:02:00.000-07:00

So about that venture I'm helping my daughter start off, this is so apropos (hold that's spelled correctly:)) as I'm having such an entrepreneurial day:) Anyway before I get sidetracked that's another post for another day. I've been wanting to start a soap business company for my daughter for some time now. The primary hold up being age, would she be able to handle it at a young age? Not even speaking about the responsibility of it, beauty of this sort of venture she could have a few clients and stick with that, making soaps for them as needed. Or as simple as making soaps only during holiday seasons that would cause someone to want to buy it.

But speaking on maturity will she only see money or will she see the various lessons I feel she could learn in doing this. So many youth in the neighborhood we live in don't get the opportunities to know what's out there for them to do apart from a program getting a hold of them and showing them the way so to speak. And nothing wrong with that but that sort of thing is just an eye opener to the sort of things I should be doing as parent at home. This venture is more about teaching her entrepreneurship skills, giving both in giving away that which she could have profited from, as well as when she does profit, giving at church, setting up fundraisers etc.

Or even when the money had isn't profit but what only covers expenses, giving in spite of that fact. Also want her to know what it is to pay bills at an early age, may (of course depends on what this business generates) have her pay for web hosting or something which would most likely be free through a family member so have them charge something that's not outrageous but gives her the picture of what has to be taken care of. Also keeping deadlines, work ethic etc. She used her own start up capital to buy supplies that were used in testing. I told her she'll need to do record keeping to keep up with it and figure out how much she'll need to sell each bar for in order to make a profit.

Which also brings to mind, needed to be sure she was at an age where she could handle the disappointment of the ups and downs of having your own business.

Also want to encouraged those things in her that she likes to do, not forcing this on her but asked if she'd be interested and told her the responsibilities of it and so we're going to start of with something small.

I think she's ready and we'll start really small. Right now helping her come up with the different soaps, will have to get appropriate licenses for her to be able to sell, and other details after and she'll be good to go.

She's at a very interested age right now which requires much patience on my part. So praying the Lord would give me said patience, and also utilize this experience to further cultivate our relationships. I look at how little time I have now to pour into her. Not that motherhood stops but it has yet to show who she'll be when she's out the doors on her own. So praying that I use this time wisely and that she's one of the ones out of high school that can't imagine turning away from the Lord. And not because mom said so but because He's revealed Himself to her and that she is indeed good ground. Looking forward to reading some of the parenting books suggested recently it's sad because many a day I've said I would invest in more books in relation to this topic and have yet to do so. Have God's word indeed and He is faithful in revealing things to me yet sometimes said revealing comes through something like a book (ie peep them 66 books LOL:)) so I know I'm missing out on loads of wisdom that He's shown other parents, and especially being a single mom.

I tell people I'm not mom and dad I'm mom and God is true to His word, He's Father to the Fatherless. But wisdom gained in that is what I don't get to see. I knew my dad but didn't know him while married to my mom and visited him oppose to being reared daily by him and even in the visiting, there was disfunction. Praise God for His being a restorer!!! And it makes me all the more want to know His ways, just like with studying marriage even if I don't marry I want to be on point in knowing what biblical marriage entails/looks like. Same here even if my daughter never knows what it is to call someone dad, I want to teach her what a dad is should look like biblically. And aways praying that she's shaped by that, not her reality of not knowing her own.

So praise God excited to get my hands on those books and will be doing reviews on here. And managed to tie two topics in one blog after all so I'll end with that:)

On the job training

2009-04-09T04:05:00.000-07:00

So my daughter is coming to work with me this week due to her being out of school for Easter Vacay. My supervisor comes into my office and not quite sure how we even got on the subject. But basically asked if I'd want to have my daughter work there over the summer.

I just kept stressing how she's not of legal age yet and basically laughing not thinking her serious because she's only 12. One of my co-workers will be out for a surgery for a month and with their being a hiring freeze at the job, I'm guessing she's concerned about what will take place that month and my guess is paying a 12 year old under the table is better than hiring an additional temp.

However that's not about to happen! What I will suggest is a coworker who has a 14 year old, if they get her set up to work there they could do so. Funny I was just teaching @ my church's women's fellowship on Sat. about how my job is yet God has me there for a season. Pretty long season LOL nevertheless and I believe the longness of it has more to do with his being patient with me than anything.

And He recently blessed me by sending a fellow believer there who's walking it out, others say they are but I have yet to see the fruit that accompanies salvation. Yesterday she let me know that her Church will be hosting a viewing of Fireproof on Saturday. I said to my daughter who was with me she had to ask who is this woman the Lord has me working for because I gasped LOL. In all environments the silly goes with me:) Anyway although I have the movie read the book and the whole nine already, was still really exited. Hoping to go with some friends but if not will be rolling solo on Septa and hoping to fellowship with some believers I've never had the privilege to fellowship with before.

I'm so grateful because she's a believer, walking it out, and a appears to be a sweet person. I feel I need that personality in my life right about now, not better than any other at times I feel I need believers in my life that are more no holds bar. Not mean but might not make you as comfortable as you'd like. And even at times need unbelievers (and believers can qualify in this area also) to be a thorn in the flesh. So yeah rejoice in it all and enjoying a sweet nature right about now:)

Oh and I wanted to write on a venture I am going to start my daughter off in, where she learns how to earn money while giving to Caesar what is Caesar's but I guess I'll have to blog that next time around because I got to run and working on the longer posts also:)

Web Design/Cleanse/Weight Loss

2009-04-07T10:07:00.000-07:00

I'm am like trying really hard not to be stressed right now. I have my web design final project due tonight and intended to finish it over the weekend. Had that nagging feeling I was suppose to do something yet couldn't recall exactly what it was. Until it was late Sat. night!!! And Sunday my day was so packed that I didn't have time to get it done then either and I also have a Monday night class.

Got some done and my issues is to do it and leave it alone, don't add anything else to it don't touch it. Of course that doesn't work out I'm always looking at ways to improve. So what I'll have to do is rush home and finish it, not going to the class as I have the option to send it via email. Or I'm going to send him the site I finished for my sister last week. Not the design I sought to send but still mines and finished!!

Truly have to become better organized and so glad this is the last class for the semester. I have one more Monday class due to a snow day cancellation I need to make up. But that'll be doing the same, turning in the final project and decided the site I used for Web class I'm going to use to add flash to it so won't be pulling my hair out again.

On another note, Haven't been to the gym this week, since I'm doing a cleanse light movement is recommended but I wanted to get to the gym just to stay in the norm of things but again busyness prevented that so going tomorrow. More so doing it this week to stay consistent. And happy to say I'm past my plateau!! At least will be if I stick to eating this way after I'm done cleansing. I find the weight I lose during this time stays off, however I realize the need to not jump right back into old habits, even the ones that are for the most part good ones. I've decided to add to what I'm already eating, my yogurt, going to try to add cheese back slowly although I had some today have been restricting self from it as that's one of the recommended do not's. I haven't once followed this cleanse perfectly and actually this time decided to have some days where I choose to eat that which is recommended not to, so I wouldn't find myself wanting to eat everything in the fridge and so far so good.

One thing I would love to take back is eating at a Chinese Buffet Sunday! I did pretty well in terms of not eating a lot, ate tons of fruit and would have had salad but remembered that's one of my migraine triggers (salads from salad bars, not salad in general) so left that alone. Didn't matter still got one and my guess is the MSG. But it did bring to mind the fact that it's official, I can't jut eat what I want and be fine anymore which truly is a blessing!!! If I don't want to feel the way migraines make me feel, I will watch what I eat. Just have to find a way to eat those foods I like on an every now and again basis, trigger foods that is and I'm thinking most likely will make for self, that's the best option.

All for now, at the end of my cleanse I'm going to weight to see the final lost then maybe another week or two after that before I go on scale hiatus again:)

Fireproof-The Book

2009-04-03T08:35:00.000-07:00

So I'm reading the book version of Fireproof and not sure how that came about LOL. I believe I saw it in Borders and I'm always seeing a movie of something and thinking I want to read the book to get all of the extra details that have to be cut out to make the movie 2 hrs or less.

And for the 1st time I've actually brought the book that went with the movie. It's pretty good, reads almost identical to the movie except for those cut out parts I've mentioned. Yet for some reason the details of it, especially the strained marriage hit home that much harder. Not sure if it's the additional details to the story or the way reading books causes you to envision/think more on what's going on in the story or what. But I often times say to myself, when I really desire marriage that everyday won't be a picnic. And purposely seek to examine things that I could bring into a marriage that would cause it damage or that I feel would effect me to my core to the point of hating a man I once loved.

These are things that I do not exclusive to wanting to be married but as a believer. Yet I think on this specific to desiring marriage because it's easy to see it either for what it's not and will not be, or not seeing it for what it could be. For example I don't want to take on a bunch of fears of what could occur in marriage. However I don't want to be naive to the fact that the man that I marry that's attentive for instance, that that could change and my response shouldn't be to become hard hearted towards him but to love him anyway, communicate the issue with him if he doesn't receive it pray for him and communicate it to my LORD.

So it makes me think on the importance of these sort of things not just the beauty of having that companionship or how we'll serve the Lord together and all of those things that are good but will be likely to require some work.

I can also see more clearly the work that the Lord did in them, certain parts of the movie that were silent the book gives voice to. Like what the wife was thinking when she marched out of the room after her husband cooked dinner for the two of them and things like that. Shows the process of how the unregenerate mind operates. We're so self focus in our flesh that we cannot even recognize good for seeing bad and how we were wronged. Just very sobering for me as a believer how I can become blinded by offenses oppose to recognizing the need to forgive.

A good read thus far, still reading and definitely recommend for anyone that hasn't seen the movie to read this first if considering both. Well I guess depends on which would be worse feeling like you're watching the movie for a second time due to what you've read or like you're reading what you've already seen so takes away from it.

Yet I think doing both is beneficial, at least I've found it to be a huge eye opener

Sweet Sweet Victory

2009-04-02T03:39:00.000-07:00

I haven't had a migraine in two days and looks like I'm going on a third praise God. Due to prevention methods. I could feel one coming on since I had a major one on Monday but decided (And think I mentioned this already:)) to take medication each morning rather than waiting for one to come on. Can't keep this up indefinitely and hopefully I'll just get to the place of not having them. But for the two weeks of the cleanse I'm going to stick with it unless I notice a noticeable change to stop doing so.

Also realize I probably should eat something while I'm at home before heading to work then eating my "real" breakfast so to speak when I get there. I usually don't because a lot of times if I eat too early or not enough, I'll end up with a headache from that because for some reason it makes me hungrier. But I think in the time it'll take me to get to work that should be good and keeps me from getting so hungry from not eating early enough that I get one anyway.

It's a slow deliverance but I praise God that I haven't tossed up my hands and believe I'll overcome this.

Horrible day yesterday

2009-03-31T06:27:00.000-07:00

I am convinced that the Lord is either using these migraines to break me, bring me to my knees for whatever reason. Or break me from my yo yoing, making me to fight for this weight loss this time around.

Because yesterday was soooo horrible, I got the worse migraine on one of the worse days, the night I have my class until 10:00 at night and more than the headache, I suffered nausea to the point I had to put my head down at work and work as I could. And it's a catch 22 because I'm so sure I'm getting these headaches due to needing to lose weight eat healthier. But when I make the changes to do so, I am more prone to get a migraine than when I'm eating whatever I please.

My first decision about it was to pray, that if there is something I am to learn, see do that I'm not that the Lord would allow me to clearly see. My other decision was to fight through these two weeks. Not going to stop doing the cleanse, did decide to get my DD coffee in case my body was just totally shocked by the lack of sugar, so that will be my one sugar item that isn't coming from fruit until my body gets use to not having as much again, so keeping that on taking migraine medication daily even if I don't feel one coming on, at least for these two weeks. And just enduring if one kicks in.

Unless none of the above matches with what the Lord reveals to me, that's the plan. suffering for two weeks is better than getting these things no less than twice weekly. Having small occasions of not getting any. And prayerfully it's just an issue of diet change if nothing else if I stick closely to the types of foods I'm eating on the cleanse, none are in the category (that I can think of) that triggers them. Just have to be careful of eating salads from salad bars.

On another note, I did weight myself this morning and weighed at 240. It's funny because I ate horribly over the weekend and last week. Also weighted myself I think Friday and I was 243, don't know what's going on with that but praise God. I basically in 3 months lost 4 pounds!!

***Update***

I've mispoken in 3 months I've lost at least 9 pounds, I say at least because I didn't begin weighting myself right away and oh how I forgot my inches lost during my lil tantrum LOL. My point was I'm not losing as I should based on the efforts yet the efforts were stalled many times so in actuality I'm doing well. Just beating myself up because I'd gotten to 229 during my inital lost about 2 years ago now (WOW) and looking at having to lose just to get back to that point then the rest still to go. Which if God doesn't hold stuff over my head, why in the world do I!? A question I'll probably ask myself for....every time I do something like this:) Chosing right now to focus on the ability to lose, to work out, and not have something worse than migraines to overcome!!

****Update over:)***

With working out and largely due to going through changes with these headaches. But at the same time I'm so encouraged because as I stated in a post before, this is the hardest time I've ever had losing weight but it's also the longest I've endured with such trials coming my way. Usually when I see the scale isn't moving how I'd like, I toss my hands up and say forget it. So this is teaching me how to fight through something that's difficult and let me add seems as if I shouldn't have to go so hard for. To be patient, how I have to depend upon the Lord for all things because there is only so much I can do on my own in this, even when walking in His wisdom I have to learn when to stop and ask Him specifics.

So in all of the difficulty and what feels like tons of waisted time I'm mad encouraged and will see this thing through to the end.

Spring Cleaning for myself:)

2009-03-30T06:10:00.000-07:00

Welp I've committed to doing what I probably should have done long ago, doing another cleanse. I do so at least once a year and only reason I hadn't yet is because I wanted to do some losing on my own and then do it. Typically I'll drop 10 pounds easily on a cleanse so figured if I did it during a plateau period rather than early in the game, it would keep things moving. Well the plateau decided to come early in the game so I'm still on point:)

So sitting Slim Fast to the side and doing it when I hit a plateau and in the meantime going at the cleanse. I lose about 10 on Slim also, and not into dropping fast so much as that jump start. But due to these migraines I wasn't able to do the Slim Fast and not sure if it's Slim Fast itself, or the fact that a migraine was already kicking in before I even started. Nevertheless it's what made me decide to go on and cleanse, could be a need to detox that's the problem as well.

And I just read on a blog that research says that migraines can be linked to being overweight. Hmmmm that could be my answer yet I've been heavier than this without any issues. But I wouldn't mind if that is the problem because then it's an easy solve. Right now I have no clue of what's triggering them.

Also believe eating the clean foods will help with them as well so truly hope this is it. The beauty of the migraines however is I'm not trying to settle with them and the medication given only helps but so much so there is no getting comfortable with my weight/eating anymore.

Was hoping to go shopping and not eat out any during this time however forgot about my classes tonight and tomorrow so thinking I'll hit up a nice Italian restaurant, probably the one right under the same building my class is in. Order some salmon made in olive oil and steamed veggies. Italian because that's what they use anyway so I don't have to worry about rather I'm getting what they're saying they're giving me.

If you'd like info on the cleanse I'm using, check out www.enzymatictherapy.com. I'm doing the Simple Cleanse, usually do the Whole body cleanse and doing the simple only because it was on sale at Whole Foods:) Now I see they have a coupon on their site so may have been the same price. At any rate I'm just glad to have started. Praying that the eating habits will stick too minus migraines. And better yet that this will bring an end to them.

Spring Cleaning

2009-03-28T10:20:00.000-07:00

I'm doing some Spring cleaning today and it's making me wonder, why do I always resist it!? I love cleaning it can be quite therapeutic and I love how everything looks once it's done. But getting started can be soooo hard, Like I sat down for all of two seconds to check something on the net and I've been here for about a half hour now LOL figured I'd get a blog in:) And I know some days it's the weather, either too hot where I don't feel like moving or too cold where I don't feel like moving. At least when it's cold once you get started it produces heat but again it's getting started.

I have so much to do too, I'm trying to focus on different areas in the house one at a time (Aside from regular cleaning) so that I'm not overwhelmed. I have one room that's driving me crazy because I'm storing everything I want to give to charity and it's really stacking up so keeping the door closed for now. But want to try to accumulate as much as possible before calling because the particular place I give to usually comes during the week and on specific days to my area which means some missed time at work.

But I'm getting there I still have tons of stuff of my mom's that needs to be sold rather than given away and it's challenging because she'd brought a ton of collectible things in hopes of leaving something for myself and my siblings (despite our warnings that she didn't) yet she didn't mark everything with the prices or keep the receipts in a specific place so not sure what they're all worth. So thinking once I have get everything else in the house in order, will tackle those things.

Now let me get back to cleaning:)

Hulu, slim fast & migraines

2009-03-27T12:55:00.000-07:00

I love hulu (hulu.com) where you can catch some of your favorite tv shows and movies among other things. I'm just really getting into using it so not familiar with all of the features but I know I had a ball with it the past couple of days.

Yesterday I watched Super Size Me, been wanting to see this for the longest now yet only think of it in passing therefore never brought it. So was happy to find I could watch it for free and let me tell you, it was a great reminder of why not to eat at fast food restaurants, at least not regularly. I'm so programmed to focus on fat and calories for weight loss that I forget about things like sodium, additives preservatives etc. So if I decide I want something, I'll count that into my day rather than all things being considered.

Could be my answer to why I get so many migraines, at least what started it then trying to eat healthy, my body is going through changes which brings on worse headaches. So it was really informative for me if only for that reason. I couldn't stick to the slim fast I'd just started due to a massive migraine on Monday. Waiting until my body wants to participate and doing it again but may just hold on to what I have and do the cleanse I'd been avoiding. Perhaps that's ultimately what my body is dying for me to do.

On another note I'm loving how much I love to work out now. I get so tired however really fast and again I feel it has to do with first the weight that still needs to be lost on top of the headaches and just all of the changes my body is going through. Yet I rejoice at a love for something I once loathed. And realizing a lot of the pain associated (While there will always be some degree of discomfort no doubt) with it has to do with me, not the workouts itself. One more reason to eat well not just workout.

On that note off to Wholefoods in a few:)

Weight loss goings on

2009-03-24T06:11:00.001-07:00

Decided to do slim-fast this week. Not sure where I am pound wise since as I stated last post I'm not weighing right now however I know the pounds were coming off slowly. My goal was to do The Fast Smash when I joined the gym but I cannot find that book and refuse to buy a new one. I'm athe type of person that call myself putting something away and I do nothing more than prevent myself from finding it:) And that's what I did in this case.

Think I'm going to ask my sis to borrow hers if she's not using it but in the meantime, slim-fast it is. Not so much looking to slim fast:) But to get my eating under control and hopefully get the scale moving. Usually doing a detox does it but holding off on doing one for a lil bit yet still need to do something to get more disciplined. And so it dawned on me, go with slim-fast.

I'll do it for about a week and then go from there if I feel the need to do it longer I shall. This week was the first week that I could try out my go wear fit band during a normal activity week, last week I took it off for a hot second and kept forgetting to put it back on:) Yesterday I got pretty close to my goal calorie burn however it's also the day I'm out later for my class so will have to compare Wed. to today and yesterday (have a class tonight also).

Lastly went to the gym yesterday and it was the 1st workout I've done without my trainers aide. I am pleased with how much I was able to retain of what she'd taught me. Supposedly I have one more session with her, today but I'm thinking she got that mixed up and our last was last week but I will found out today. Either way I'm confident I'll be fine without her yet grateful she'll still be there to give some input.

Charles Spurgeon quote

2009-03-23T11:06:00.001-07:00

Very sobering quote delivered to my inbox today:

"What makes you better than anyone else? What do you have--that God hasn't given you? And if all you have is from God--why boast as though you have accomplished something on your own?" 1 Corinthians 4:7Christian! By nature--you are no better than others! What would you be--without the continual influence of the Spirit? O believer, whatever you are--you have nothing to make you proud. The more you have--the more you are in debt to God--and should you be proud of that which renders you a debtor?Consider your origin--look back to what you were. "Once you were dead, doomed forever because of your many sins!" Ephesians 2:1. Consider what you would have been--but for divine grace! It is only God's grace--which has made you to differ! Great believer--you would have been a great sinner--if God had not made you to differ! O you who are valiant for truth--you would have been as valiant for error--if grace had not laid hold upon you! Therefore, do not be proud, though you have a wide domain of grace--for once, you had not a single thing to call your own--except your sin and misery!Oh! strange infatuation, that you--who have borrowed everything, should think of exalting yourself! How foolish--that you--a poor dependent pensioner upon the bounty of your Savior--are yet proud! Shame on you--O silly heart!

Another post about nothing:)

2009-03-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

I just had the best oatmeal just now from Trader Joe's and will probably be one of the few individuals eating it throughout summer. I have to check the ingredients when I get home before I buy another box.

I know this post will sound way too deep for something like oatmeal LOL, But I'd been trying to make the closest thing to perfection literally all summer. When I buy oats from my job (non instant) they're nice and creamy, when I try to make them at home, they're fluffy bits of oats and came across a site that I thought would aid me in getting them just right but ended up getting a bag of Bob Mill's Oat Bran instead of Oat Mill. I kept looking at the flakes like this looks different but can't pinpoint it LOL. Needless to say still haven't perfected them the way I'd like. And one reason I want to perfect these is so that I'm not eating the instant with all the extra stuff added, I'm monitoring it and so I save money not buying the cooked oats at work when I can make it at home. Oatmeal also is something I can turn to easily and stay full off of until lunch time. By turn to I mean it kicks any craving I may have for bacon eggs cheese etc. And leaves me satisfied. Weird because I never liked them growing up.

I've decided not to weight in until further notice. I feel so much freer when I don't and I can judge by my clothes rather or not I'm losing or gaining. I'll just drive myself coo coo if I weight, at least while the scale is moving like a snail. Yet my clothes tells a whole other story. Just have to remember to get a tape measure now to keep up with inches lost.

It's Spring!

2009-03-20T11:24:00.000-07:00

The first day of Spring and although it doesn't feel like it I cannot be more pleased. Every winter I threaten to leave Philly and come back during this time. But not only will that never happen I never mean it:)

I love the change in weather and love that Spring is the season that follows winter. Ever experience a Spring day where it's like nice and sunny and neither hot nor cold? LOOOVE those days if I could bottle them up I would. But with winter, I love how the cold produces opportunity to pile up in tons of blanket. I'm one that sleeps with a comforter on my bed all year long yet only truly enjoyable during winter months. Fall is usually chill but quick to me and summer is hot but when I find the most free activities for my daughter and I to do.

So as far as I see it, God has blessed my region with nice variety rather than it being a curse or some sort of cruel joke. Of course I say this, specifically related to winter the day after it ended. But it's true, also is a season in which I find myself often reflecting on His provisions for me because if I don't have cash to pay PGW (Phila Gas Works) or PECO (electric co) than I'd be faced with a cold home. While similar issues can pop up in the summer, people die from intense heat, for whatever the reason it clicks for me during winter months, perhaps because I'm rarely home during summer.

So I bid adieu to you winter until next year:) Spring and free Rita's here I come:)

This is so not what I came on here to talk about but it's cool to write posts about virtually nothing every once in awhile:)

Measurements woo hoo!!

2009-03-11T15:26:00.000-07:00

Okay I have to take back the one negative I'd mentioned about my trainer in my last update because here is my measurements:

Initial Measurements: Waist 45 Hip 47 3-11-09 Waist 40 Hip 45

Skin Folds: Tricep 42 Tricep 38

Iliac 33 Iliac 30

Thigh 55 Thigh 45

Perhaps I need to reconsider the whole thing of muscles weighting more than fat, or at least do more research. I'd always been told it weights more but when I began to research it so that wouldn't be my excuse, I'd read it weights the same but is simply different. But perhaps it is an issue of gaining muscle while still losing fat? I dunno I'm just going to be grateful for these measurements and begin to measure myself and not just weight.

So tempted to just throw the scale out the window LOL but it does have it's place I just need to be patient when it doesn't say what I want it to, being sure to factor in all possible reasons not that it's always a gain.

30 day Shred/Go wear Bad and other things

2009-03-11T01:54:00.001-07:00

So I did the 30 Day Shred DVD on Monday and it was like taking a stroll around the block which is only a testament to my trainer. Did level 1 and as I suspected, there were a lot of moves that my trainer currently does with me but not as intense. This was Level 1 however so expect Level 3 to be where my trainer has me, minus some weight machines and sure this won't get to 20 pound weights either. Which if I'm not being clear, this DVD goes up to 3 levels, 1 is recommended to start off with.

And I ended up doing it because thanks to my trusty go wear fit band, I learned I'm not burning enough calories in a day. Not even on workout days and when I did the shred (Which is 2o minutes long) it took me only to a little over 100 extra calories burned.

Yet with a goal of 5000 steps, I'm averaging 14,992. Which if you use a pedometer should be more than enough to lose weight, however the burn isn't taking place which is what's needed to lose. This tool will make a huge difference in my getting to my goal weight or even just getting out of this plateau I'm experiencing. Yes I've hit a plateau which is why I'm having trouble getting out of these 40's. Was very disappointed on Monday, was excited to be able to post that I'd reached 24o after weighting myself on Friday just to learn I'm back at 244. Not sure why my body likes that number but it does. I didn't go over calories but I didn't get in much activity last week and virtually none over the weekend, braiding my daughter's hair.

I can tell I've lost inches however yet my trainer misplaced my original measurements. Judging by how she did the follow up measurements, I have a feeling they may have never made my file. But that's the one negative I can pin on her, a bit disappointed, because I wanted to begin tracking those as well but will have to go by whatever they are when I get to doing it.

This is the hardest time I've EVER had losing weight but I'm grateful because it's teaching me to endure. At first I had issues due to migraines, kept me sedentary a lot and missing workouts. Then it was not eating enough calories and getting in enough water, then it was getting in too much calories based on how TDP calculated how many I could eat based on my workouts. Now it's finding out I'm not burning off enough calories and add to that I'm on vacation this week and although I've been to the gym twice this week, don't plan on going all week. I joined a gym close to the job and can't help but feel like I'm going to work each time I go. Add to that the fact that I want to actually do some things on my vacay so I'll have to be strategic in how I'll burn calories for the rest of the week.

But saying that to say it has not been easy but I know I'll get there and being honest with self, making changes and praying and lots of it might I add:) Is what will get me through.

I have one more training session with my trainer on Monday and then it's solo for me, she's laid a very good foundation so I'm confident I'll be able to keep it up. Plus she assured me that she'll still be there and won't abandon me which knowing her she will not (in spite of not signing up for additional sessions) that could be a good or a bad thing:)

Weight Loss Update Pt 2

2009-03-07T06:33:00.000-08:00

The GWF band is a band that gives you an output of how many calories you burn each day, how many you need to burn to lose weight and how many to eat to lose weight. Weight loss if for how I have it set, you can actually use it to maintain and I believe gain as well. Also keeps track of your steps taken daily and sleep patterns.

I'm really excited to use this, got it yesterday so first time trying it out. The reason I decided to buy it is because I'd been having so much difficulty keeping an accurate record of my calories consumed in comparison to how many I was burning. I think I'd reported on here that I wasn't eating enough, therefore my body was storing calories and causing me to gain rather than lose. Always good to find out I need to eat more than to cut back more:) However as I've stated before this is a battle of the mind to get this weight off and seeing that scale go up and down does nothing for seeing defeat in that area. I'd debated about rather I'd buy the band because it's not cheap and I'd already invested in the training and running sneaks, not trying to be a victim of putting out tons of money for something that is as simple as moving more and eating less. But in knowing that it's not that simple for me, and the back and fourth can wear on both the mental and the body, not even mentioning the health issues I've experienced. I actually need to use wisdom in making some choices that's going to get the weight off and keep it off. I just said to myself looking at the site for this band man I should have brought this before and even rather than investing in the trainer. Because it's going to tell me how much I need to move. However the trainer has taught me how to ( and let me say added on to the teaching from my 1st trainer at church) have proper form, that I can list a 20 pound weight, how many reps to do for me, that if I stick with the push ups I'll see that I'm stronger and can in fact take them ectect ect.

So these things are an investment not a waste of money and if I couple what I've spent on more frequent doctor visits, higher prices for clothing my size, medication this past year among other things I'm sure, the food from over eating etc. These investments will actually save me money in the long run. Will just have to ensure I stick with it and not put the band on the self or the teachings in the mind and not putting them to action.

According to the GFW site, (there is a personal page for me to track my progress) I will be at goal by Dec 12 if I lose two pounds weekly and that's a goal of 160 btw. Again with getting at this mind of mine that was music to my ears LOL. Not far away at all and because I have the band, say when summer months come and I eat more or eat more not as good for you foods, it'll tell me that I need to burn more oppose to me counting the day as a lost cause.

So grateful for the turn around, now I can only blame me if I don't have any losses or gain weight which points back to getting at my mind, renewing this puppy. Of course there are things that come up like water weight during TOM, but speaking on when I do something and can't figure out why I've gained or maintained.

Will be posting some screen shots and things of the band and let folks know if I'd recommend getting it.

Weight Loss Update PT 1

2009-03-07T06:10:00.001-08:00

My training sessions are almost over. Actually they should have ended a few weeks ago but due to some unforeseen situations I had to cancel a few times, extending the weeks which I'm actually glad about. It gives me a bit more time to ween myself back into going it solo. Also to help me with that, and I'm sure my trainer does some type of follow up with suggestions but I'm being proactive just in case I'm wrong and again to get myself going solo. I'd been training with her twice a week, taking her class on Thursdays and another class on Friday. So that I wouldn't get to myself and get comfortable with what I'd want to do with myself oppose to being pushed in the classes and training sessions.

I'll continue with the two classes, well the one at least, the friday instructor does more of a yell at you Jillian style and that is not my ideal accountability method! Just being there over me usually motivates me to do it. If I stop it's because something is going on with my body or I can't do it. I will try to do an alternate exercise so that I'm not just sitting there and because I'm new she's not too bad on me when I fall off but even when it's not me it's agitating. So I may do the one class on Thursday and go solo the other three days, perhaps taking the Friday class to switch things up or dealing with it if needed. Don't like her style of teaching but she knows what she's doing so if I find myself being too laxed will suck it up and go.

And speaking of Jillian (from the biggest loser btw) I brought a workout dvd by her called the 30 day shred which looks to be like the same training that my trainer is doing with me currently. Again in the name of staying consistent, going to do this workout at home oh that's right going to do this in place of my training sessions and the class and one day solo. But now that I think of it the shred may require 30 days in a row so I'll see.

Lastly I brought a GoWear fit band gowearfit.com which was my initial reason for starting this blog post but I've talked about anything but LOL, so I'm going to do a part duce as not to make this too long.

Piper on Suffering

2009-03-03T22:56:00.000-08:00

This video speaks for itself, a brother on Holy Culture's forum posted the link let me add:)

Fireproof

2009-03-03T00:12:00.000-08:00

I purchased Fireproof on Saturday and have been watching it ever since, excellent movie. Some of the acting was a bit interesting at times if someone is looking for this spectacular could win an Oscar performance. However I still feel as though it was good and liked the small bits of comedy added to it.

But the message! Oh my goodness I've blogged before on the fact that we're focusing on love in bible study, the primary verse we're studying is Romans 12 and we've been in it for at least two months, tying in other verses as well of course but it's been such a blessing because each time something new is learned.

So when I saw Fireproof, it was like watching the scripts in action. I especially love how the couple started out as unbelievers, which the same downfall can and has happened to believers as well, but it shows God's love for us while we were still sinning, still unrighteous before Him. We didn't come to us clean no matter what our story may be. Then and without giving away the movie:) The steps that were taking to restore the marriage.

It's a great movie/lesson for both married and unmarried alike. I know I've been struggling to love some folks and sometimes you can feel foolish giving yourself to be used, beat on, not loved in return etc. And there is a point in which one needs to know when they have to walk away from a situations and pray for the individual but not sow into their lives. But due to flesh, that's something that one has to be careful with because we can find ourselves as the world does leaving people hanging that God called us to love and then blame God for it like oh no He didn't call me to do that or to love that person. So seeing the example of how you can walk through it was a blessing, and it may not always end with the person changing but it's prayer and God's direction that should tell us when to walk away, not our feelings....and not speaking on walking away from marriages but say witnessing situations that are more personable, there are times when they won't be converted and one must wipe the dust off and keep it moving.

But speaking of walking way from marriage, I was so disheartened to hear on the radio Sunday, 103.9 a gospel station here in Philly someone called in (was in the car with some sisters from church going to dinner) and said she just got her second divorce and she feels so free. And the host is giving her airwave high fives so to speak and she continues on to say how she's going to love on herself and wait for the man God has for her this time around. As I was listening I could feel the frown marks in my forehead so I said to myself can't judge her situation because there is one out clause for her concerning marriage perhaps he'd committed adultery and in both cases.

However even if that is the case and while she didn't say for sure I don't get that impression, divorce is certainly not a thing to be celebrated and the Hollywood ideal of a perfect marriage has to be done away with. My pastor's wife often tells us during women's fellowship, when she first got saved her husband got saved not long after her. They'd separated for a spell and let me add they don't have problem with their story being told, wouldn't put out such sensitive info if not okayed. Well she begin to pray that God would give her a new husband, actually before the separation I believe (also makes sense:)) and she said God didn't change the man no matter what she prayed, but He did change her. Taught her how to love him and eventually changed him as well. My pastor often speaks on how great their marriage is to date and also quick to say I praise God for it because it wasn't always that way and a day can come where hard times can hit them again yet grateful for where He has them.

I didn't like that story at first LOL because when it was told the first time I was dealing with that very thing. Not being married it wasn't with a spouse but with, not even sure a family member or friend or someone in the body or all three:) But God has/is truly teaching me how to love on enemies and kill the whole notion on being slighted and what about me and blah blah blah.

Wrapping up my long post:) Check out the movie be edified and share with friends, probably a good movie to watch with your mate for those married and with friends if unmarried.

Hardcore Weekend

2009-03-02T05:42:00.000-08:00

Wow a snow day! I almost don't know what to do with myself, if not for the fact that I have too much to do to dwell on that thought for long:) I will miss my workout with my trainer today however due to the fact that the gym is near the job and I'm not going out of the way in this weather to get there.

Therefore I'm making up the session later in the week but still doing something at home, will have to avoid munching too much while hear which is truly easy to do when I'm home. A need to go grocery shopping will help me out with that.

This has been one of the most trying weekends for me, first the news of the death of R Swift's infant son. I don't know him personally, met him once and have other fam in the faith that knows him/work with him. Yet I don't think that's what strikes me so hard. Quite possibly being able to correlate the pain that must come from losing your child, let alone a child less than a year old. But ultimately I believe it's the love that God has placed in me for the body. I'd hope my heart would be just as heavy for someone who isn't a part of the body however there is a bond that is had within this God given family that doesn't compare, even to blood fam at times and to some degree. I've been praying for him and his fam that the Holy Spirit would comfort them as only He can. I remember when my mom died, and I had the opportunity to do this ahead of time, knowing she was dying so.....but I sat and prayed to God that He'd give me His peace. I knew I was going to face all type of support both genuine and not so genuine and that it would only provide a degree of comfort. And don't get me wrong we are to weep with those who weep and mourn with those who morn so not downplaying that fact and am forever grateful for the support received during and for some years past the date of her death. But it was the Holy Spirit's comfort that kept things in perspective.

I testify to date that if my mom died when I was an unbeliever, I'd still probably be going through or angry or whatever the case. But that peace, while I still mourned which again is reasonable, I was able to move forward effectively knowing it's all a part of His plan. And I suspect that it's so much harder for this couple their daughter and other fam as this was not an expected thing. Yet the same God of peace can provide it to His children in that household as well. Praying that in the long run, this will be a testimony that ministers to the hearts of many, especially those hard hearted towards God due to a loss that they felt unfair and therefore judged Him cruel or non-existent. At the end of the day may he be glorified and their joy and peace restored.

This death sparked in me the reality of how we don't control our own lives, rather an in your face reminder of what's often taken for granted. We don't know when it's our time to die and we don't know the day or hour of His return. Which brings me to the next disheartening thing and I won't get into deep detail but bottom line is I cannot participate in ministry that will not bring glory to God. I cannot entertain fleshy folks rather young or old and nothing wrong with entertainment, but at the expense of some one's soul and not at least presenting a clear gospel to them, I cannot therefore I have to face persecution for the stand. But let it begin if it must but may I be looked at as lacking Gods' anointing for not feeding flesh while recognizing His work because it is indeed His anointing doing the work.

Which got me to a place of being before God which as I said to Him that alone is the beauty of pain, it pushes you into the Father's arms. Even if you're quite comfortable there minus painful situations, it does something to go to Him admittedly week and incapable for doing for self what He can do for and through you. I pray that He gets the glory out of the current pains I'm experiencing and may I not miss the blessing of it but endure.

These shoes were made for running

2009-02-26T04:16:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I somehow ended up with an injury to my left foot. I don't recall doing anything or even feeling anything abnormal after working out that Friday but by the end of the day my foot was killing me and I couldn't stand on it long.

I could walk and it only hurt on the bottom but it was really uncomfortable. I decided to wait it out for a little while to see if it felt better on it's on, they go to the doctor's if necessary. I'd cancelled my Monday training class but still went to the gym, doing low impact things but found it to help my foot a little. Decided to do my Tuesday session but asked that the trainer keep it low impact as well which she did. She'd mentioned to me once before about getting some better sneakers to work out in. I had some cute tigers that were meant to be just that, cute. Had some better puma's at home but again not meant for working out. At the time I was in just do it mode so I went to the gym, picking up little things here and there as they came to mind to get and my body just let me know now is the time to invest in those sneakers.

So one day on my lunch break I stopped at a store called Philadelphia Runner philly runner is a store for runners obviously, but good for those that workout period, also obvious. What's different about this store is you go in and they watch you walk in order to recommend a shoe to you based on your foot specific. The lady that helped me mentioned that my arch wasn't that high (or deep forgetting:)) so she suggested a type of shoe that I of course don't recall the lingo but that would function correctly for me. She then measured my foot to my surprise I'm up a size to 11!!! Shocked lol I asked doesn't your feet stop growing at a certain age? In which she responded never because as you age the arch begins to flatten. Oh fun:)

So I tried on three pairs of sneaks and ended up with a pair of asics which were most comfortable and thankfully most affordable. These sneaks were not cheap however I felt the price I paid was worth it in the end so didn't look around and compare shop. Now that I'm typing this I probably should have:) But the extra service given was a factor too so no regrets.

I've worked out in my new sneaks for a week now and they feel so good on my feet, I'm tempted to wear them daily but am reminded of the fact that I want to make these last for as long as I can, letting only workouts wear them down.

Getting ready to go to work so will post an image of them at a later date:)

Getting it together

2009-02-25T04:19:00.000-08:00

I prayed that I'd focus on my weight not for vanity reasons but health and oh is that prayer being answered. I posted last about my kidney situation, I'm also dealing with high blood pressure and migraines which I believe I mentioned those in other posts also.

I've never been a sickly person and always been overweight yet now it's beginning to have an effect on my body to where it's necessary to get this stuff off. I'm grateful because I've been struggling with losing for the past couple of years and I concluded that's partly due to the fact that I'm not focused on outer as much. Not frontin like I don't find it important or still like clothes and things. But there was a time when all I needed was for a pair of shoes not to fit me right for me to get going with weight loss. Being a believer and I'm sure growing older plays a part as well, that's no longer my focus.

Also my prayer is to glorify God in my body, it's where He dwells it's how I carry out His work and being drained, tired and sickly won't render me effective in doing so. So I'm grateful for the suffering I'm having to endure because it's pushing me to get er done.

I'm doing well in my training I'm so happy about that. As mentioned I keep getting migraines so I had to cancel a session once, the second session I decided to take it on but work lightly and found the exercise helped to alleviate it. Also looked into foods that can trigger migraines and of course many of them are foods I love yet if I don't want a migraine I'll give them up which will also help with the weight lost. Not sure exactly if any of the foods listed triggers them but I'm being mindful. Did notice when I missed drinking my water I had one for two days straight, helps to get in all my water I tell u that much:)

I have 4 more sessions with the trainer then it's off on my own again, I'm grateful that I did it, I'm losing inches I think I'll have my trainer take measurements at my last session. She'd done so before we trained so I'll see the results afterwards but I learned a lot of techniques and that fatigue is a good warning that it's time to stop. She also did full body work outs with a mix of cardio and weight training. The variety helps to stick to it because you know that tedious thing she has you doing is going to end quickly and on to the next. Find I hate just about all floor exercises but I'm getting stronger so I'm getting through them better.

I'm so excited to be enjoying working out, getting over hurdles with my health that would have been my reason for throwing in the towel in the past and God being faithful in allowing hardships to grow me up.

Oh and I'm not going to weight in today, every now and again I have to walk away from the scale because although I'm seeking to lose weight I don't want to be focused as if I'm on a diet but a change of lifestyle so at least this week I won't weight thinking maybe three and it will be a nice surprise to see how much I've lost once I do.

Jehovah-Rapha -God my healer

2009-02-19T07:13:00.000-08:00

A few months ago a friend of mines sent me this email about fruits and veggies and how they can impact health. I was hesitant to read it as first, as I am those types of emails because often times it's some bogus claim seeking to sound godly that says at the end pass it on to x amount of people to be blessed in some kind of way.

Yet being over the health ministry at my church, I decided to check it out and read further into it. Basically the article showed how these different fruits and veggies connected to a part of the body in which it would serve. For example a carrot is good for the eyes, would help to post it just as it's written but I'd have to dig into my inbox to find it, will post a separate day.

Anyway so it showed how the carrot resembles different parts of the eye. Hard to picture but if you cut the carrot it's seen better. Or the kidney bean, which helps with the function of the kidneys etc.

Thought it was cool after I'd read it but left it at that. A few weeks later I had a check up at my doctor's office and she ran some tests. She gave me a call a few days later stating she'd seen some things going on with my Kidney's and wanted me to get a test done. First thing I did was begin doing some research on the kidney. I'm not use to being very sickly so although I man know of different things to be on the look out for, not something that I think about too much so to familiarize myself more with what could be, began to do some searching on line.

I came across one article and it showed a picture of a kidney and I immediately thought of the article my friend sent me. How much this kidney looked like an actual kidney bean. I was then reminded of how I'd been craving these foods with kidney beans in it. Literally ate chili and rice and beans for about a month. Not daily but couldn't get enough of either!!

I was so excited I began to pray and thank God for His provisions and that whatever it was she saw, He'd graciously showed me He's got it taken care of.

I went to get the test done last week and the technician told me she didn't see anything there. At first she kept asking me questions like are you getting fevers, ever have problems as a child etc. And I'm worried a bit like oh she must see something. But reminded of His provisions, just began to pray. She told me that my doctor must have requested the test due to my having high blood pressure and that she saw nothing there. I recall her saying specifically that she saw something so all I say is praise God and thank you Lord!!

Believin Stephen- The Perseverance Mixtape

2009-02-18T11:52:00.000-08:00

Check out Believin Stephen's latest Mixtape over at 317media or rapzilla .....100% for free! I've only got a chance to peep a few tracks thus far but from what I've heard it's a blessing. God is so gracious I know I often find myself missing out on some music or have this long list of stuff I want to buy because there is so much bangin music out there within the body and I want to support them all. Yet it's a blessing when God lays it on one's heart to labor for free!

Be sure to take advantage of this offering and peep one of the two websites for your free download.

V-day

2009-02-14T10:47:00.000-08:00

This use to be a really hard day for me as an unbeliever. The closest I'd come to having a valentine during those days was telling my daughter's dad I was pregnant. And I purposely did it on that day to enhance my pity party I was throwing for myself and reminding myself yet again I was solo on Valentine's day to top it off I'll tell the ex I'm with child.

Actually I stand corrected, another time I was down about not having a Valentine and actually as a believer, I was on the train going home from work and just thinking about it. A guy on the train selling roses walked up to me and gave me a rose. It was so pretty it was yellow and pink with glitter on it. The glitter wasn't as tacky as it may sound:) But I remember thinking wow that was the Lord, no way someone hustling flowers is going to just walk up and give one to someone and walk away, then proceed to sell the rest of them. Wasn't visibly down either as I try not to be ever.

Today I'm in a place where it's like eh. I'd love someday to say Happy Valentine's day to someone, specifically the individual I'm married to. And I now view it as nice to have that as something I haven't shared with someone else that I can share with a lifelong mate. But even if that doesn't happen I'm good. The rose that day reminded me of His love and how He'll always be the one who loves me unconditionally and at all times. That He's always giving me good gifts so what is a mere rose really. And apart from Him, no other love is truly worth anything nor can any other compare.

Don't say this as a cliche-esque thing either but as a witness of how He's come through for me in those times I'm down, rather as husband father mother brother, you name it He's true to His word if you're His, He has you and is sympathetic to all pain you go through so don't beat yourself up if you find you are down in the dumps, let the Holy Spirit minister to you and love on Him, realizing how fully satisfying He is and that you'll be alright with or without a mate rather you are male or female reading this.

Now I'm not saying don't pray for a mate, be fully satisfied in Christ alone, we're wired to be communal so nothing wrong with having a desire for folks and yes marriage too peep what God did in the beginning. But I am saying that, and because of sin, we don't always have the sort of relationships that would have flowed naturally apart from the sin nature battling to take rule in us. Therefore you may have all sorts of people forsake you yet God never will and contentment can be found in Him even when the relationships that should be just are not.

Right now I'm waiting for my daughter to finish getting dressed and we're going to hit the mall for a few and head back home, probably watch a dvd or two. And I'm grateful not to have a poked out lip about what I'm lacking but rather able to rejoice in all that I've gained and that I can fully enjoy those things on this day.

Have u see it yet? Trip Lee Real Vision

2009-02-13T04:32:00.000-08:00

The Love walk---again:)

2009-02-12T03:32:00.000-08:00

During my hang out time on Saturday, somehow the topic of love came up. I did 50 things that day so let me clarify LOL while riding in the car with my friend. She'd asked me what did I think about the phrase I love you but I don't like you. It use to be an often used phrase by me as we aren't called to like folks and will not like much of what they do due to the sin nature.

However as I've stated in a past blog, we're discussing love in Sunday School and when this comment came up the same question was posed what does everyone think concerning this and long story short the teacher looked up the word and found that it wasn't in the bible nor could there be found a biblical translation for it. Now I'm like okay that doesn't keep me from using it because when someone says "God is a beast" you're not going to find that in the bible either LOL yet if understanding of the term it's speaking of his awesomeness not used as an insult towards Him.

So okay so far I'm still with I love you but don't like you, until another sister brought up the fact that there shouldn't be reason for that thought to come up. As in if we are to love, what reason would my not liking a person play a part in any conversation or reaction to the person? Then it was concluded that we may not prefer a person rather than stating we don't like them.

Which makes sense, I may not be the best of friends with everyone, but if I love them I will give them the gospel. If we're talking a fellow believer, I'll respond to them as the Father responds to me. There are some things and unfortunately not one specific comes to mind (and that may be a good thing:)) but some things that I may have done and thought God was okay with them, to find out that He'd simply had mercy on me and one day out of the clear blue He'd make me aware of the fault whatever it was so that I could repent of it. Where as, as soon as I'd see someone in a sin I'd be all over them and not in a way that they could hear what was being said to them which of course was written off as their own hard heartedness not a lack of love on my part.

Yet in His response to me I've learned/am learning how to respond to others. And in cases where I find myself not meshing with a person rather it's sin in their life or a personality trait that clashes with my own. I'm learning to pray more speak less or being slower to do so. And being accepting when it comes to non sinful issues but personality traits. For instance a person may be on the quiet side and so what seems like disrespect may be their own discomfort in communicating with someone they don't know. And I can relate to this one for sure to a degree so pray I'm not being an agitant to someone:) But learning who my brother and sister is and loving them accordingly not based on how I want them to be or what I feel they need more of.

Quite a rewarding effort I must say and it's my prayer that the Lord would continue to grow me in this area and get His glory.

Always Something

2009-02-11T03:49:00.001-08:00

This isn't a serious always something praise God:) Speaking on the fact that I decided to loc my hair right when I decided to work out. The workouts are sweating out my loc sets and because I'm doing so with extensions this time around, I have poof at the roots and long locs at the end what's a girl to do LOL.

I'm hoping to go to a salon and that they'll get it tighter than I'm able to and it may be something simple like having to set a few of them more often then I would have if I weren't working out. I'll try the salon first and go from there. It's a good thing however, I've never sweat so much and so fast than I do working out with the trainer at my gym. I had a session with her yesterday and I'm truly grateful that I was able to sign up because I'm able to see how far I can push myself without injury. I know I'm usually lighter on myself so to speak to avoid injury and just flat out comfort zone. So it's truly been a blessing working with her. I'll just have to keep up with what I've learned once the sessions are complete.

On that note let me get ready for work. Not weighting in today for personal reasons:)

Monday already!

2009-02-08T22:24:00.000-08:00

The weekends seem to go by so fast now adays! Each day moves at the same pace just seems to go so fast and probably a showing of how stuffed our days can get. At least my own. My weekend started off Friday evening where I was suppose to go to First Fridays at Epiph but my friend that I typically go with cancelled due to being worn out from the week. As much as I wanted to go, it was a blessing because I needed that rest as well. And we just ended up (my friend and I) talking on the phone a bit then not sure how she finished out the night but I think I went to bed pretty early.

Next morning Women's Fellowship at my church which is always a blessing. The sister that spoke just encouraged the women to hope in the LORD and remember He's not slack concerning His promises for their lives. It's a recurring theme in my renewing this mind series that I'm doing:) And will be doing until my last breath but simply not allowing self to dwell on things that are anti what He's stated in His words and down to specifics He's shown me in my own life (Which never will deviate from His word let me add!) For example no matter how hard situations get He will not leave nor forsake me. Not myself or anyone else can separate me from His love and on the personal level how He'd been leading me to pray and to believe He will not only give an answer but supply that which I'm praying for (again does not deviate from His word:)) I'm so very grateful for His love and provision for me. So not cliche when I say I am not deserving of it!

Next after women's fellowship I had a moment to hang with my friend E in which we attended a demonstration and chatted a bit to and from. I don't know how I coped before being a believer because there is nothing like getting with fellow believers and talking about our LORD. And even having that listening ear to encourage or rebuke you if need be.

From there I went home for a moment then off to babysit my almost 2 year old niece. She is so precious! And and an easy baby to watch!:) Especially since my daughter takes her over which we battle but I let her do so:)

The next morning came home then went to church Sunday school where we're learning about walking in Love. I remember being so intrigued by love growing up. Dealing with so many hateful folks I guess I had the mindset that I didn't want to be that way and would be a loving caring person. Well not so much when you get down to the nit and grit of things. When God exposes you for who you are and all the nice neat relationships had in the world are torn down and you're aligned with people that aren't so much like you and probably couldn't stand while in the word and therefore avoided. And they're not even the enemies let's not get on them! But they end up not just being the folks you're called to love but even within the body those that are now your brothers and sisters in Christ and are to be treated as such. So it takes a lot of dying to flesh.

The of course followed by the word, my pastor has been teaching out of 1 Peter for the past couple of weeks, speaking on what we're called to as believers. To love again that word:) To die to self and to live Holy. Music to the ears of those called to this walk( if submitted let's be real). Non sense to those who are perishing.

Then after church we went to check out the philly car show where we met back up with my bro and his fam plus ran into my sis and her fam (for a minute). I probably wouldn't even want to invest in many of those cars anymore but they are certainly nice to look at. I was thinking as I looked at the Rolls, my mom rented one of those for my prom and my bro's prom and can't imagine how much that must have cost her so was thinking about everything that money could have went towards:) Nevertheless nice to look at.

Lastly my daughter and I went to dinner before heading home. Praying dinner didn't do damage because I did not tread lightly. I went with where my daughter wanted to go rather than myself but should have because the light meal that I planned on getting they were out of so I went for broke. And while I don't want to get caught up like that I'm still seeking to stick to not going there until I'm at least down 50 but we shall see.

When I got home I went straight to bed, watched the end of Extreme Home Make Over and turned the tv off for bed.....at 9:00:) Which is why I'm up at 1:53 blogging now:) But can't blame my early night to bed because I always wake up like this.

But this is why weekends go so fast for me because this is what they look like typically:) With the exception to the car show I usually stick close to home on Sunday's making brief runs but try to get everything done on Sat and straight home after church if not hanging out with the fam from church afterwards.

Back to this early morning thing I'm grateful that today I have a doctor's appointment so I don't have to wake up as early and it may even end up being a day off with the way things work out by the time I finish up my appointment to go to work it may be time to leave so I shall see. Hoping to get to the bottom of why I'm getting these migraines so often. I do believe the culprits are the teeth because now I'm feeling that wisdom tooth that needs to be removed and it ain't nuthin nice! But I'm going to the doctor's first because I'd missed a follow up appointment a few weeks ago anyway, then heading to the dentist from there (not same day btw) I know it won't be fun but I'm looking forward to getting this thing out and I'm somewhat hoping that's where it's coming from so that there is a reason rather than something I just need to expect unless the Lord chooses to take them from me.

With that said, let me go pray and get back in this bed. I tend to write like I speak for those wondering why this had to be this long:) This isn't a newspaper let's converse I say:) Which speaking of feel free to leave a comment know you or not I don't and saints do keep me in prayer concerning my health at this time.

Moving at Turtle Speed

2009-02-04T03:55:00.000-08:00

Welp I lost a pound this week, I'm grateful for the pound but I also realize I'll need to look into why I've gained the weight last week and only loss one this week. I'm also considering weighting at my gym because their scale said I weighted less at the end of the day fully clothed on there than when I weighted myself that morning at home.

And actually there are different factors as to why I gained last week and was slow this week. I haven't been counting calories figuring I've done this enough times that I know what to do and typically I'm only guesstimating anyway when I do count. But because of the whole migraine issue, eating out more when I take night classes (Although I'm selecting healthy choices, still has an impact because I don't know what's in the food 100%) and not tracking it's not having as big an impact as it could.

I however am not quite ready to count if I don't have to:) What I will be doing is brown bagging even down to my dinner on my night class days. I typically take breakfast and lunch to work already, not as much this week but typically. But being more diligent in that will make a difference, I know what I'm putting into my own food and I have counted enough to guesstimate how many calories I'm eating, even going back to some of my old journals and just following them by the day.

Working with the trainer has been good, I can see how my strength is building from the time I started up until now and I'm learning all these new techniques. And lastly I've decided not to focus so much on losing the weight. I will be blogging about it here and tracking my losts on the left hand sidebar. But in terms of what I'll be focusing on is that these lifestyle changes will be permanent ones. That I will continue to work out and eat healthier, even if I didn't have a pound to lose because it's not just about weight I just so happen to have to lose some but there are thin people that need to have the same focus. So that's where my prayers will be geared not to say I will not pray for weight loss success but again that's a smaller issue it's how I got to be overweight in the first place that's of focus.

Weight Loss- A gain this week.

2009-01-29T03:41:00.000-08:00

Did my weight in yesterday and I gained the 2.5 back that I lost the previous week. It was a little disheartening but I dust myself off quickly and jumped back into the game. The issue wasn't so much me dipping into food just to do so, I keep getting these migraines that I typically get if I skip breakfast or don't eat enough and advil aleive etc does nothing for it. So when I felt one coming on I decided to nix the fruits and veggies and go for somethings heartier. That didn't really help and my next step is to just go to the doctors to see if there is something more that's causing this.

The trainer at my gym said it could be brought on due to dehydration, and that my body is still adjusting to things. I hope that's the case but still going to my doctor to get things checked out.

Speaking of the trainer I just may do the sessions with her sooner rather than later. Oh also the gain was due to missing some workout days the prior week. I forget why I think because I had meetings for a few days that week and one day I had a migraine so didn't go. Anyway when I worked out on Tuesday she came and asked me questions, let me know if I needed any help to pull her over etc. On my way out she mentioned when it gets warmer she may start some lunch time workouts, her class is today actually so she's thinking doing it outside rather than inside and doing things like running the art museum steps (like rocky LOL) and other activities we could do. Just really passionate about, actually I get the impression the entire staff is this way, passionate about fitness and people being healthy rather than having these "hot" bodies and becoming obsessed with it.

Working with her early on, aside from taking her class will give me that accountability, that good early start and out of these 200's. She worked one on one with me on Monday and I could tell the difference. She does a lot of exercises for less time and I end up sweating like crazy. Seems really simple but my body surely feels it in the end. And don't know 100% what she does but she knows what she's doing, getting that foundation down will help.

So thinking because I haven't yet looked for a car, I'll put that on hold if need be and do the training first. Also considering seeing a nutritionist, I have to check my health bennies on that one.

Design Watch-Favors and things

2009-01-28T08:02:00.000-08:00

I have not posted a design watch post in ages, reading a blog recently reminded me of this fact and something I'd recently done and decided to share it here.

This was some decor I'd done for my pastor and his wife's wedding anniversary surprise we (the church) threw for them. As I usually place on my profiles, I like to do anything crafty/artsy and one of the many things I enjoy doing is favors and thing things for events like this, weddings, showers etc.

And the blog post I'd read, spoke about that struggle of focusing on the craft while seeking to glorify God. It's really easy I believe for artsy types to make that their entire world if not careful. Certainly know the struggle and therefore we can find ourselves constantly placing things into perspective.

And a the scripture of focus she'd posted on was the Proverb 31 women which is one of my favorites to focus on when people want to make this out to be a vain thing. Gifts comes from God, Satan can and indeed does perverts them and our flesh can lust after them over Him. But they indeed come from Him and therefore it's Him we seek concerning them and what He'd have us to do with them. And this is one of the ways He's allowed me to utilize this gift as well as the other areas of focus (print design, web design, hopefully photography soon:)). I placed these frames with different scriptures on marriage on each table. Rather it's earthly marriage or our being the bride of Christ. After the event, the guests took home a frame and will have that to view for as long as they choose to have it I suppose:) Anyone that comes by will see the frame and it may spark them to ask questions. Saved or unsaved or give them something to mediate on when saved. So it can serve as another way of being a witness of Him.

I cannot wait to get my hands on someones wedding LOL. The things the Lord has taught me over the past few years concerning it, I'd love to tie it into someones decor if not my own:):)

Also on the table were the flowers behind the frame, a pic of my pastor and his wife two wedding rings linked and some mints that the kids kept scooping up before it even started:) Well the adults too can't just get on the kids:) And I absolutely loved doing it.

I had a dream

2009-01-28T03:23:00.001-08:00

I had two of the best dreams on Sunday morning. I often wake up at say 1:00 or 3:00 in the morning and eventually fall back to sleep before time to get up. This time around I was on facebook where I read DJ Wade O's status which said he was grateful for all of the believers he's been able to meet due to the position God has him in....this is paraphrased. Then I read a post from a friend on there that was doing some Christianity bashing.

Then off to sleep I went. First dream was of DJ Wade O rebuking me for not walking in love. I told him about my dream on facebook to which he replied I'm going to take heed to this as well as we all need to grow in love and will not be perfected on this earth.....again paraphrased. But that would have been a dream I could roll with LOL. In this dream he said to me the love you think you're walking in is actually hate. OUCH! I forgot to mention I'd written my blog about love before this all went down. Nevertheless I'm using this as reason to do a heart check in this area. As I wrote in my previous post, we are often times not walking in it and I'm not exempt because I feel need to blog about it:)

The next dream was one of me in a restaurant, and the cooks began to speak about how Jesus isn't real and they just began to clown Christians and customers were laughing and chiming in. And so I began to witness to them. Asking them why is it that they don't believe He exists and does their not believing in Him make Him non existent? Would one want to take a chance with their eternity by their own judgement oppose to God Himself revealing who He is? Then I proceeded to give them the gospel and people began to repent. Believe that is tied to the friends facebook post.

I woke up like thank you Lord that Wade O dream wasn't real LOL, again it puts before me the opportunity to do a heart check but if ever you listen to his radio show, Wade O typically brings such a good balance concerning walking in love oppose to going straight for a hard core rebuke, that if I took that brotha there then I truly was walking in some stuff that is jacking up folks lives. And the second dream was nice, the unbelieving will bash Christ will mock and will think us to be the foolish ones. But if we indeed walk in love, we won't attack we will give them the gospel.

This Love Walk

2009-01-25T02:07:00.000-08:00

We've been learning about love in Sunday School at church and it's truly been a blessing. I'm sitting here thinking right now on how I may miss that teaching today because I'll be with the youth class today. Then thinking wow feels good to feel some kind of way about missing it:) Especially being where talking about love. And by some kind of way not to say I don't want to be with the little ones but I will indeed miss the teaching in the adult class today. And grateful because I could be peeling my face off the pillow dreading going but God has given me joy for His word, even that which can be difficult to digest.

Difficult because it's hard to love someone that hates you and I often find that love is so lacking within the body that if the focus isn't on Christ and pleasing Him, one could easily find themselves becoming hard hearted in this area towards their own. We don't bare, hope,believe and endure all things (1 Corinthians 13:7). And although we're told to love our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:39, one of many scriptures stating so) and that to walk in our giftings and not have love is equal to being nothing (also 1 Corinthians 13). We still seem to embrace our lack of it and believe or hope that God is well pleased.

I was recently at a church where the pastor stated those that are typically on point doctrinally often lack in the love department. And he wasn't outing another church by saying those people at those other churches lack love but was talking bout his own house. I know early in my walk (and still have to be mindful of it let's be real) I would smash people so bad, thinking I was not only doing God's will but walking in love. My thinking was my allegiance is with Christ soley so I'm going to walk as He walked. Also with the gifts God's given, I may see something concerning a person that others do not and I thought it my duty to call it out. And not talking for instance if someone is fornicating I know it, may be able to discern it but not some kind of vision concerning it. But in calling something like that out I'd miss the primary need. I'd ended a friendship with someone a few years ago and again thinking because of my allegiance I was on point in what I said how I did it. Soon as I did it, through email btw which is not good and my first hint that it wasn't a good idea to do so should have been I was too angry to pick up the phone and say it so thought that would be the better route! Anyway soon as I pressed send I heard a voice say you did not do that in love. I know many don't believe God still speaks today and I was right along with em because I was like man that ain't God Lord please make the enemy stop LOL.

Reflecting back I can see how I didn't do so in love and that the core need/issue in the individual wasn't addressed. God has graciously given a second change in this situation so I'm taking heed and walking it out in love. And in doing so, it's not so hard after all because first committing to walk it out, the Lord changed my heart concerning them so that I may walk in/have genuine love for them. And when I experience hate from others within the body or outside, I've learned to pray and the Lord is still working on me in that area in terms of doing so diligently. And I find myself walking in peace with them rather they return the love or not.

And lastly because I can tell this has turned into a book:) God is not without rhyme or reason for anything. One reason it was so hard for me to walk in love or know what that looks like is because for one it's difficult to grasp loving enemies, and two not every teaching on love is biblical and people tend to look for a romanticise love and therefore when you tell the truth, and truly doing so in love it's taken as hate because "love covers a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8) can become the drop scripture to never confront sin. So it became difficult to walk in it because love was misjudged to be hate. And again not talking the situation of thinking I'm walking in love when I wasn't but doing so and it being wrongly judged as hate or wrong judgement. And three didn't seen like many within the body were seeking to walk in it so it's like why bother? Now let me say with that even if we don't know God's rhyme or reason we still ought to walk in obedience however in this case I can say He's shown me (at least a portion) of His will concerning our walking this way.

1. He's done it for us, I think to myself sometimes the sins that irk me about others and even myself. Imagine how much more God has had mercy on us for. Things we may not even see as sinful and He redeemed us not having to and we have no reason as to why we should have been scooped up by Him. Nothing but evil continuously in this dead man yet a perfect God chose to scoop me up anyway and I am to reflect His love in the same way that He's poured it out on me.
2. He is love so if I claim to be His, how can I not reflect Him? Not to say we won't fail in this area ever but we should be growing in His likeness daily, dying daily to our old nature.
3. And I'll end it with this one though I can think of others, those that hate us ultimately hates Him and will have to give an account on judgement day.

And one more lastly peep Proverbs 25:21-22 If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat,
and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink, for you will heap burning coals on his head,
and the Lord will reward you.

And I've primarily spoke on lack of love within the body, we are all bro's and sis's in Christ like it or not:) And so we can be enemies of one another without intent and sometimes very much so and worse at times because of knowing God will not x them off the list so to speak. Yet the Lord will reward the love you shower them with. It will not go unnoticed and those individuals will indeed have to give an account. Not as the unredeemed but as disobedient children.

Not so bad after all

2009-01-21T16:55:00.000-08:00

My last post I mentioned some eating struggles this week and yet I managed to lose 2.5 pounds anyway. Just came from a fitness assessment at my gym and at 6:00 I weighted less than I did this morning. Not sure if it's the difference of the scales or my body wasn't done but I'm thrilled. I'm contemplating working with the trainer a few weeks but I'm going to pray about it. Because we're talking extra money that may not be necessary to spend. Where a trainer is beneficial is she'll push me in ways I wouldn't myself. Yet she did (this particular trainer) her class last thursday I felt ever muscle in my body LOL so if that's good enough that's good enough. Yet it can be helpful when it comes to using the machines so I shall see.

I'd worked with a trainer that came to my church about two years ago now ans he set a right foundation so again I'll see only thing is we only worked with hand weights not the machines and I want to ensure I have right form. Plus she knows the things I need to do to get this stuff off. Don't want to rush it off yet want to be as efficient as possible. I told her my primary goal right now is to get back into the 100's. She wants me to sit and think of all of these goals but I'm like honestly I want to get past the 200's then get to 160 and see from there if I still need to lose anything. Not going to front I'd like to be able to wear pretty dresses and heels again comfortably but ultimately not seeking to lose for that reason so she may be a lil disappointed with my lil list.

I like the trainer though, doesn't seem focused on selling me a bunch of fluff that she thinks I want to hear but rather is focused on getting me to goal and what's going to help me to do so healthy so I like that. So praying to see if I should go that route, spending wisely is the main concern. Not terribly bad prise wise when I break it down yet again do I need to go that route?

I was sitting on the bus thinking hey I only did that one cheesesteak review on here LOL guess it's going to be a minute before I do another because until I'm out of the 200's, really trying to focus on not eating too far away from whole foods or the close enough stuff like today I ate falafel that was friend but surrounded by tons of veggies and on a whole wheat pita.

But I'm determined this is the last round for the weight loss journey, all this stuff is coming off!!

The weight loss front

2009-01-18T14:00:00.001-08:00

This has been a rough week food wise but I think I understand why, well not so much week as the past couple of days. First started on Friday. I didn't bring lunch, decided to buy out but wasn't sure of what I wanted so walked over to the gallery here in Philly. Not sure why because it's not that close to my job considering the weather on Friday. Anyway I got there and didn't want a salad in case that's what I was to eat when I got back home. So didn't want a salad, decided to do a Chick fil A kids meal but thought to myself well may not want to do that in case you go out and have to eat out. Decided I wasn't going back out due to the cold and got it. Wasn't really bad calorie wise, bad sodium wise as my doctor warned me to eat less of it and I typically don't check sodium but now doing so I realize yeah I have to watch out for these foods not just calorie wise but other reasons as well.

And when I say not bad, I mean compared to what I'd already eaten that day. Anyway I did end up going to an event at my friend's church and had to leave maybe 15 minutes after I got home so didn't get to eat. I wasn't terribly hungry, even when we did stop to eat at 10 something at night and the choices were slim. Checkers, pizza hut or kfc. I couldn't think of any healthy choices at the time out of the three so went for Pizza Hut. Mind you my friend did ask where I'd like to stop but couldn't think of any place and when she went to Checkers after my pizza hut stop, realized they have a grilled chicken sandwich.

Anyway got my personal pan and ate half of it while in the car. Got home already wasn't that hungry but ate the rest anyway. I realized after my lunch and also something I feared, that I'd get certain cravings but wasn't sure why I was even thinking that way at the time. Yet my thinking was correct.

I read a blog today where the writer stated she's having trouble with rice and basically how it set off cravings and I asked why that is below is the response:

"It's the fast digesting carbs in refined foods like rice, white pasta, white breads, processed snacks. It causes an insulin spike and crash, which leads to cravings."

So that explains why I hadn't been that hungry eating my whole foods and why I'm so much more satisfied and not struggling to not think about food. I'd even grabbed some chocolate chip cookies earlier that day on Friday and didn't eat them, had no desire for them. So saying all of that to say I'm persuaded to stick to my whole food plan.

Today I ended up eating some salad I had left over from yesterday and two slices of pizza. I fought not to eat my usual 4 but now that I know what the issue is I'll be able to combat it better.

So not sure what things will look like weight loss wise but I'm happy to know simply making those better choices and not taking it for granted will do the job.

Tomorrow I go to the gym to get a fitness assessment. I wasn't going to go because when I scheduled I forgot I'd be off and I'm not near that area at all outside of the work week. But I didn't work out Friday because my body was still in pain from the boot camp I did on Thursday (and still is now!:)) so I don't want to go until Tuesday before I work out and will be limited at home.

So I'm excited man I think this is it this time, no more up and down on and off. Being mindful that it's an every day battle even if I feel full but get lazy in working out or whatever the case I have to turn this over to the Lord daily or else I'm one day away from falling short.

Pray Donna Pray!!

2009-01-17T07:54:00.000-08:00

God is so gracious and kind and giving and understanding and the list could go on and on and on and on. He's been calling me to pray as of late. I'm telling u from the time I went to FFF two weeks ago (or three forgetting my weeks:)) up to this day He's been speaking to me about praying. Through sermons, His word, Devo's you name it He's been leading me to do so specifically encouraging me that He keeps His promises and that I am to pray and expect an answer.

And it's funny because my most repetitive prayer before this, has been increased faith in what I'm praying. Not so much that I'm going to get what I'm asking as I'm asking it for example I can pray until I'm blue in the face that the eagles win tomorrow but what is to say God will answer that with a yes compared to another believer rooting for the opposite team? So if I were to pray that way ( and I wouldn't just an example:)) I could only take a lost as Him saying no LOL or believe that I didn't pray according to His will.

So praying that I'd have faith in His doing His answering and not so much in the receiving. At some point in my faith I'd began to become filled with doubt and I think it may be linked to the fact that I was so full of faith concerning this area that I didn't mind telling everyone what the Lord did in my life, not everyone believes God to respond in the way that He does to our requests.

For example, Years ago I was maybe 5 years in the faith maybe less. And I was seeing what it truly meant to be a Christian yet I received it with gladness. Losing friends seeing the hearts of family members towards me all sorts of pain yet it only served as a visual of what was already penned in God's word so I remember just bouncing off of the walls. Didn't always feel good but seeing God's word living made me joyous. So one day I said to myself hmmm if I'm doing all of this giving up what am I getting out if it. Right after repented for thinking so selfishly. Well Daddy answered by directing me to Matthew 19:29 and when I thought that was just a coincidence Mark 10:29-30. And I don't recall how I connected that to my getting a house but I did. I took it as answered prayer to my wanting to move out of the house I grew up with. Well some years went by and I was still home. So I was sitting by my daughter's bed one morning after waking up just thinking to myself. And I said to myself well I guess I was just imagining that whole house thing and mistook the point of God showing me that specific scripture. Right after I had the thought, my daughter woke up out of her sleep and said to me Mom I had a dream that the Lord said He keeps His promises and you're going to have your own house.

My daughter was around 5 at the time and the only individual I may have mentioned this situation to was my mom, just to tell her how to stop telling me I was going to get the house when she was gone LOL. Long story short I did get my mother's house God kept His promise to me and it wasn't anything like I thought it would be. I have to pay for said house:) But it's nothing like what others are paying for. Would love to have my mom here a wee bit longer if it were between her and a house but grateful that in her passing He gave me my childhood home. And in showing me that, restored relationship with my mom that I would have ran from in seeking my own place. One of the last things my mom said to me is you are the only person that showed me what the bible is truly saying, myself and a friend of hers she later mentioned. That gets to stay with me the rest of this lifetime:)

And sharing that to say for one there is so much more meat to those scriptures not so much about the getting as it is about the gain in leaving the pleasures of this world and being His. You get family in the faith you get cribs to crash at LOL not necessarily a physical house to call your own, great gain. YET God used those two scriptures to show me He has me and is in control of all things. The wavering came in the fact that I hate the name it and claim it movement and this outcome was linked to that way of thinking so I'd began to question everything even though my response to the notion was well I'm living in the house, u trying to tell me that wasn't God's doing? And in that, stop praying for those sort of concerns believing them to be trivial or if I did pray, doing so with doubt attached.

But God said no pray and I will answer, If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! Matthew 7:11

I'm grateful for HIS word towards me at this period in my life and looking forward to those answers:):)

***Extended Edit***
This was the Daily Spurgeon for today, saw right after posting this:)

Praying on hallowed ground

Lot is called a righteous man; and he was vexed with the filthy conversation of the wicked. He frowned at the men of Sodom, and expostulated with them, and wished that sinners would restrain their follies, and not go to quite such lengths in sin. That is the sort of man Lot was. Have I not many a Lot before me now? The father of the faithful went a great deal beyond this. He lived far away from the scenes of vice, and the haunts of impiety. I suppose he did not think it necessary to sleep a night in that cage of uncleanness, that he might familiarize himself with the profane customs of the people. But he stood on hallowed ground, and prayed with a tender heart. He interceded with God; he multiplied his intercessions. Every time he prayed, and with each fresh note of prayer, his spirit grew more ardent. Impressed with God’s severity, he takes courage from his goodness.

Here is a fitting example for us. It is an example which I know will not be lost on some of you. The courage that can rebuke man, must come from the strength that takes hold upon God. When your face shines like an angel with the radiance that the mercy-seat reflects upon it, then it shall come to pass that the scorner will not be able to resist the wisdom or the spirit by which you speak.

From a sermon entitled "The Smoke Of Their Torments ," delivered November 20, 1864. Image by Kyle Pearce under Creative Commons License.

Still loving it (althought today's workout was hard!)

2009-01-15T18:41:00.001-08:00

I thought I was doing something with my lil workouts, until I went to a boot camp class LOL. I did okay though considering it was a boot camp class and it's been a minute since I did that type of aerobic work out. I still enjoyed it but will be hitting the treadmill tomorrow and going back to classes next week.

The teacher of the class will give me a fitness assessment next week, suppose to have been on Monday until I remembered I'd be off on Monday but I was glad to hear I'd get that. I hadn't even considered thinking they'd have some sort of extra charges for specific programs. But she'd called me and let me know about it, basically testing my strenghts/weaknesses in areas and my goals. I'm so looking forward to that because it'll help me in what to focus on. AND I'm seeing that accountability I needed showing it's face in my going to the gym God is faithful.

Not sure if I mentioned it in the blog although I'm sure I have:) I'm posting my weight loss on the side bar of the blog, the whole truth my current weight and as I'm losing the current weight. I've also lost additional weight not posted but can't find my last records of weight loss to say how much. I'd gained back 20 something which got me to the 249 and again in the area of renewing my mind in this area, that's what will prevent me from getting frustrated by the fact that I'd gotten to 225 but got sloppy and let go again. All I know is that unless the Lord says otherwise, I will get back that and well beyond.

I'm so grateful this is only the second week but I can tell I'm moving towards lasting changes. Also making conscious decisions not to do my everything in moderation way of eating that I'd normally do, sticking to.... well shorter to say staying away from fries, burgers, cheesesteaks, etc for a while. I can typically enjoy these things in moderation and still lose but I find that I can eat something like this and want more more more. Where as I eat a salad and an apple for lunch, I'm good maybe I'll want a snack before I eat dinner but nothing that would have me go off on the deep end like jumping from cheeseburger to wanting chocolate to wanting ice cream etc etc etc.

So I'm encouraged looking forward to getting to a healthy weight.

Gotta have faith

2009-01-11T23:41:00.000-08:00

I love this translation of Hebrews 11:1 in the ESV, I'm sitting here reading my ESV study bible online and decided to look up their translation for this passage and it says:

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

It gets no plainer than that! Meaning you're certain that the thing you're hoping from although not seen, exists or will come to pass. IE as believers we know Jesus Christ is the promised Messiah and that His word is true and every promise spoken in the bible will come to pass.

I had a coworker say to me once, I believe it was in relation to her being let go from the job, was a temp there for some years. She said to me I may not have faith like you but I have some faith and I believe I'll come out of this. My reply to her was you either have faith or you don't. And let me add to that I'd witnessed to her several times prior to this which is what led her to speak on my faith.

She wasn't speaking on having a measure of faith outlined in Romans 12:3, it was a sometimes I believe in Jesus although I haven't gotten to where you are concerning Him. Concerning a need for salvation that's not a bad thing to admit. Concerning being able to call on Him as Lord over my life, not so much.

We have to have a confident faith in Him, confidence doesn't mean believing real hard that He is Lord but knowing He is. OR not because I believe it it's true but it's true rather I believe it or not. I know there are some elements in God's word that I may not be a fan of LOL but that doesn't give me permission to claim as false or to not adhere to what's being said because I feel it should be this way instead. I obey because I know who's saying it and that He's saying it to me, not even simply on the basis of it being true. It's true that my job has great benefits but folks not employed there can't claim them simply because they believe me when I tell them about them. Or I could even believe my job has great bennies and not take advantage of them all the days of my being there. So it's not just having a mind understanding of what is true it's being in a position to walk in it and then doing so as well.

That's a blessing man, to know that we aren't a people who "blindly follow a book" as I've heard some unbelievers say in the past. But we have assurance that the One who died for us is real and still living! And we will indeed see Him when the Father says it's time.

Grateful to my Lord the faith He has given me.

Quoting a Quote-No Mundane Tasks

2009-01-11T18:13:00.000-08:00

This is a post from Passionate Homemaking who's owner is quoting from Nancy Leigh Demoss 's 31 day Challenge on Reviving Our Hearts.com Both of these sites are jewels to check out regularly btw.

And this quote really struck me to where I cleaned the kitchen, rather than leaving it for the morning, knowing that time never truly comes, at any rate check out the edifying quote below:

“Remember as you’re cleaning—as you’re ironing, as you’re sewing, as you’re picking up, as you’re painting, as you’re beautifying your home, as you’re doing things to make your home attractive, remember that you’re painting a picture for your children—a picture of God.

You’re demonstrating to your children in ways that penetrate deep into their hearts, the heart of God, the ways of God, and you’re increasing the likelihood that your children will grow up to love that God and to want to be like Him.

You’re demonstrating parables of spiritual life to your children as you work with your hands, as you serve in your home. When you prepare food for your family, you’re demonstrating to them that God is a faithful provider.

When you’re being quality conscious in the things that you purchase, you’re showing your children the excellence of the character of God.

As you are orderly, you are teaching your children that God is a God of order.

When you clean things up in your home, when you keep a clean home, you’re showing your children the importance of purity, holiness of heart, of being clean and washed before God.

When you’re disciplined in your life and habits and schedule and the time you get up and the time you go to bed according to the way that God has directed your family, you’re teaching your children that the Christian life requires discipline. You are teaching them that you can’t just stay in bed and become spiritual. It requires effort and cooperation with God’s Spirit to develop godly habits, patterns, and sanctification in our lives.

When you reach out your hands…to the poor and the needy and you’re ministering to the needs of others, you’re showing your children the heart of God for those who are poor and needy and oppressed.

There is indeed no mundane task! Every task assigned to you is spiritual and paints a picture of God!”

From No Mundane Tasks by Nancy Leigh Demoss as part of the 31 day Makeover Challenge.

Shai Linne Storiez

2009-01-10T06:58:00.000-08:00

Admittedly I do not have this CD yet. However it has quickly become one of my favorites that's been put out in Christian Hip Hop. And although not owned yet I've had plenty of listens to come to such a conclusion.

The quality of the production, the narration I've wanted to hear a CD like this for some time now where either each song had some sort of connect as in it's almost telling one big story in different songs, say someone speaking on their marriage from how dating began to falling in love, marrying, having kids, to struggles etc. Or like Storiez which tells multiple Storiez tied together via the narrator and Christ being the common link in each song.

Couple favorites for me is "Simple Love Story Feat. Keran Sabir" about a couple that comes together as unbelievers live together and the while nine, Jim & Kim but by God's grace get saved and then marries. I like it because it shows God's process from sinner to saint and in this situation, how a sinful relationship changed into one that glorifies God.

A second Favorite is "Martyrs Feat. Json, Evangel, God's Servant and Techniq" each emcee displays the life of a believer and details of how they were Martyred. I pray that we believers in the US would do more to understand what is going in for others in the faith in other parts of the world and not only have head knowledge but do something. Rather it's praying or hosting a family that comes here or whatever the case, in a case that I know of, a believer was basically kicked of Pakistan due to his faith. Recently went back to visit his very ill mother takes a huge risk on his life as he will not deny Christ hence why he was made to leave. Some stories are so much worse even but to live is Christ and to die is gain. This song shows what we ultimately align ourselves with when we receive Jesus as our savior. And while we may not face some of the persecution that our brothers and sisters in the faith do in other parts of the world our hearts and responses so be equal if ever faced with it and wouldn't be surprised to hear of stories that are occurring right here in the US.

Spurgeon just a blessing to learn so much about the prince of preachers in this one song. God often lays it on my heart to pray for our youth. That they would serve Him if indeed they are His as if they are indeed His. And not wait for an appropriate age to live for Him so to speak. Spurgeon is an example of many in the faith whom God drew unto Himself at an early age who was off and running from the start.

And there are others, just a dope Cd that is edifying, thought provoking, convicting and a few other things I'm sure that isn't coming to mind to mention:)

Definitely one to cop and also may I mention Shai is a Philly resident....only say due to the Faith(215) focus of this blog:)

Working it out

2009-01-09T06:54:00.000-08:00

I am loving my gym and I'm grateful!! More than food, working out is my biggest enemy. And I think I'd mentioned in a previous post how I'd rather take in less calories to lose the weight than to have more and work out. But I'd decided some time ago to make myself work out rather I liked it or not. It's not only good for loosing weight but for my body as a whole and therefore I'm grateful to be able to say I now enjoy it, to a degree at least:)

And my gym isn't far from my job so it makes it easy for me to get there and I like it because it's not really crowded all age groups no one flexing their bodies etc. I can get in and get on the machine I want without having to wait long or find myself limited to certain times due to overcrowding and the need to schedule machine usage. Just all kinds of good benefits and my prayer is that I'll continue to enjoy going and do it any way when I don't feel like it.

Also I'm being bold and posting my current weight on the sidebar as well as each weeks losses and hopefully no gains but those too if that happens. Again trying not to remind myself of the gain, over 20 pounds to be exact and press forward. History says that I'll drop fast so it'll be going beyond that loss, can't wait to see the 100's again. Wow can't recall the last time I was in the 100's I was 203 when I had my daughter so that was the closest I'd been in a long time. And while it's not about a # so much as being healthier I'm factoring the fact that getting there shows I'm closer to a healthy weight and the accomplishment of getting past the struggle that keeps me going up and down.

So I'm excited and will patiently work pray, die to this flesh etc etc etc.......until all of this stuff is gone!!

So far so good!!

2009-01-08T05:15:00.000-08:00

Almost a week has gone by and I have not complained on the job (that I can think of Lord please bring to mind if I have!!) First of all it was difficult going in on Monday. I don't care if a person loves their job to pieces, it's hard to get back into that flow. But I had to prepare mentally to get in their without moping, murmuring, complaining, or letting others do so or have it agitate me if they were to but use it as an opportunity to shine His light.

I went into work and my coworker I spoke about in an older post (wanted to leave, felt like it's not a good environment for a Christian etc.) decided to change up some things as well to get in and get the job done. I mentioned I'm not going to complain, he responds I'll complain but....forget the end to that now:) I told him how it'll require prayer and that complaining only gives a false vision of the situation and causes you to become embittered towards the individual/situation you're complaining about. He responded so true right before going on to complain LOL, I'm not backing down however. Something I've said since I've started my job, I'd probably never love it to death because it's not something that I aspired to do. However I can clearly see God's purposes for me to be there and I'm grateful. I could have a job I really hate and it serve no other purpose than to get food on the table. Whereas there is joy that comes from being there and freedoms that I've never experienced elsewhere. Including putting on sermons all day and blocking out the noise:) So in many ways I have benefits that others do not (and not just speaking listening to podcasts:)) And my lack of zeal for the place isn't just the evil men do, it's not the career I'd seek after. Remembering those things, yet being grateful anyway, block out complainers and vultures that want to step on/over you to succeed what else is there to complain about. Well there is plenty LOL yet again with the choosing not to knowing that God at any time can change a situation and anything I go through is for my good.

Grateful for getting stronger in this area it's been a loooong time coming, please continue to keep me in prayer!!

Renewing this mind of mines

2009-01-07T08:39:00.000-08:00

The difficult thing about getting back on track with weight loss is that I'm immediately reminded of the fact that I could have been so much closer to the finish line than I currently am, and that I now have to work off the gain.

However I've already determined the biggest battle will be mental. Already know what to do as far as what to eat is concerned, as well as physical. But if I can kill thoughts, stop them in their tracks I'll be good. Anything from the above mentioned or even as I said to a coworker the other day, sometimes my issue is just laziness I don't feel like thinking about food all of the time, what I'll eat how many calories it has I just want to pick it up and eat it!

Usually when those thoughts come in, the do the work of steering me in the direction I feel I should be going hey don't want to be disappointed don't worry about any loss and you won't have to be. Don't feel like counting calories eat what you want. you weren't created to be thin anyway etc etc etc. So the battle is on with this her mind of mines so that I can keep it moving even when I don't feel like it and making correct choices even when I don't want to. Now I do all things in moderation not seeking to change that however won't be eating three cheese mac & cheese because I don't feel like focusing on what I'm eating. I'm personally tired of the run around it's time for this stuff to go!

On that note heading to the gym:)

Can't sleep therefore I blog

2009-01-05T21:37:00.000-08:00

It's 12:43 in the morning and I can't sleep!!! Part of the problem is the fact that I fell asleep really early last night. Possibly in the 8:00 hour even I'm not 100% sure. Which was due to my not feeling well, which was prompted by my not eating enough for breakfast. When I don't eat or don't eat enough (except when fasting glory to God!!) by a certain hour in the day, I get the worse headaches one could have and typically they do not go away for a day. You'd think with knowing this, rather than saying to myself at 11:00 am oh I'm still hungry better go grab something else to eat...oh but wait it's almost lunch time I can ride it out, I'd listen to what my body needs and eat.

I think I may have learned my lesson this time because that was not fun oh my goodness. Yesterday was the 1st day back to work and we're looking at a boatload of it so I didn't want to ask to leave early yet I needed to because along with the headache comes nausea. When I went to the vending machine to grab something in hopes of it helping, it wouldn't take change so went to the cafe at my job, for some odd reason they were closed early and the other vending machine there was on empty. So I suffered until I got home which only made me eat more when I was able to.

It's weird having your body go through changes I think in my head I'm going to do what I've always done, but at 35 my body does not do what it always has and therefore I have to respond to it rather than it responding to me. It's been my prayer to become a healthy eater because I want to not because I have to well reality is, even if there isn't any illness dictating to me to take certain foods away, I think I've pretty much graduated to have to status and not just for weight loss. And yesterday the food I chose was good for me actually, had a strawberry banana smoothie, strawberry banana yogurt LOL just realized that, and a banana just realized that too what variety:) But didn't get to finish all of my smoothie and the yogurt and banana wasn't enough to hold me yet I didn't leave to go to lunch until 12:30. Today will get me in some nice hearty oatmeal and have that yogurt and banana again. Oh and I had my dunkin donuts decaf too byt my body was like girl stop playing and feed me LOL. Having to realize also because I'm getting back on board weight loss wise, I have to eat more than I will say in a month as my body get accustomed to these changes again. I pray that this is my last journey down this road because it's quite tiring and not good on the body either going up and down back and forth.

At any rate I decided concerning this blog that I won't have the regular features I'd planned out previously. I just realize I don't have the time like I use to to stay on those types of updates oppose to writing when I can like now. I'll still talk about the things I'd planned however will be more sporadic rather than weekly focus on a certain topic may make an exception with weight loss but I'll see, if for no other reason to have that documented weekly.

With that said, I'm going to try to get back to sleep now sigh I did one of this while on vacay yet this is the second night since going back to work that I've been bright eyed with no sign of relief and usually I don't get sleepy again until an hour or so before time to wake up but what's going down tonight (or this mornin:)) is I'm going to pray that the Lord will shut these eyes of mines, not permanently of course:) And that I wake up refreshed able to make my breakfast and get the kid off to school without dragging fussing and not having the time to eat properly.

til next time.

First Friday Fundamentals/Last day of Vacay

2009-01-04T12:49:00.000-08:00

Welp, it's my last day of vacay before I go back to work. I've been a praying fool that I go back there with a right mindset. Not just because it's difficult to be around people that do not have any regard for the Lord, but it can bring to the forefront my own sins. Wanting to get at people with my mouth rather than walking in love. Not an easy task yet it is a situation that brings the need to grow in that are to the forefront.

And speaking of prayer, I attended FFF (First Friday Fundamentals) at Epiphany Fellowship here in Philly and was so so blessed. And if not familiar Ambassador from the group Cross Movement co-pastors this church along with Pastor Mase. And I bring up Ambassador not to name drop but to say these dudes get so much flack for being or being perceived as a certain type of Christian but when you hear him speak teach the word etc. His passion for the Lord is apparent. For instance as not to keep minds wondering what I mean, the desire to see people walk upright before the Lord and stand firm on sound doctrine is mistaken for wrong judgement oppose to it being the very word of God in a living example via one of His son's walking this earth.

One of the things Ambassador focused on is the access we have with the Father due to relationship had with Him. And how one of his first examples was seeing his own father and how he'd walk down the street praying to God and recognizing he wasn't just spitting out words but he spoke to Him as one who knows that He is real and He hears him. And that as a youth it made him desire the God of his pop. Then he had us each pray at the end of his teaching, representing the different ways in which we can approach the father. Rather standing, sitting with hands raised standing with hands raised laying prostrate or kneeling. And how we are to go to the Father as His children, not as "the big guy up there" yet we are also to reverence Him.

There are tons of details concerning that night but it truly left me with a renewed or perhaps a refreshed prayer life. From everything Shai Linne the faithful host often teacher often ministering in music, everything he stated to Ambassador to the rhymes God's Servant did, just a blessing I for one am grateful for their ministry/ministries and pray the Lord will continue to increase them even when persecuted hated on or misunderstood by the masses.

And so it begins.....

2009-01-02T10:37:00.000-08:00

I'm just realizing that I'm beginning my eat healthy journey at the beginning of the year. Although I'd written about it being my focus yesterday, still truly didn't plan it out to be this time of the year for the sake of the date so much as getting past the holidays. I was hoping to do the challenge on the Holy Culture Radio forums but for some reason thought it began today. Not sure why being the post spoke specifically on it being the 1st LOL. Still may participate being I wasn't in it for the win of the ipod (prize to the one that takes off the most weight by July I believe) as I need the accountability. Will see, forgot to weight myself this morning before leaving out (also my reason for not logging weight on the forum yesterday) so will do so tomorrow.

The reason why I like to do morning is our weight is different in the morning than it is at night, most important thing is to be consistent in weight ins than the time of day. However since I'm use to weighting in the morning and I already know I've gained some weight back, not trying to go there LOL.

Oh and the pic is all the goodies I picked up at Reading Terminal here in Philly. I love this place, specifically one of the fruit stands called Iovine Brothers Produce. It's inexpensive and lots of choose from. Today was more costly than normal as the prices tend to go up and down, but even with that fact I paid $15 for tons of fruits and vegetables. It bugs me to no end when I fall off because I truly have no excuse too much goodness it at my hands. Today I'm off so took the hike but otherwise this spot is fairly close to my job so I can stay with the foods I need.

My prayer is that the Lord will give me the strength needed to become disciplined in this area. As I was just saying to Him, when I fall off I'm not concerned about how much lettuce I'm missing out on or strawberries so I pray not to be consumed with the last time I had a good piece of Fried Chicken but to be satisfied with these beautiful delicious foods He has provided while still enjoying my other favorites in moderation. My health is in danger if I don't get it together so it's gotta be by His power or bust.

Keep me lifted good people! Oh and will get it in at the gym next week when I'm back to work, now feel like I should have joined one closer to home yet I'm sure I won't feel that way when I'm back at work next week.

Doing fine in 2009 LOL:)

2009-01-01T04:02:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year to everyone!! For the 1st time in years I fell asleep and didn't see the new year come in or catch watch night service. However grateful to be awaken to take it in now:) Decided to write a bit on where I plan on focusing this year.

I don't usually do the whole resolution thing but decided to take advantage of the newness and write out some things I want to focus on this year.

Here is my list in no particular order:

1. Get more organized, started off well last year, want to continue doing so this year.
2. Better time management- kinda coincides with getting organized but I use to be really good with both but now I actually have to make conscious effort in some areas not to be late, not to "overbook" myself so to speak:) Rather it's serving in ministry, taking on a design project, or classes plus more I'm sure.
3. Realize that my memory isn't the same as it use to be LOL and invest in a nice pocket sized planner:) Or put more on my phone calendar.
4. Get to the gym consistently and not overdo it, Rome wasn't build in a day:)
5. Get the rest of this weight off and try to not gain any back!! It gets harder and harder the more breaks I take. Easy to get lazy when it's just me looking at it but looking at pics, just will not do. Not trying to be skinty:) But get to a healthy weight.
6. Consistent in bible study- I never set a set time to pray set time to study because I didn't want to do anything that would just become routine yet for one thing who said God is anti order LOL. And by not having a set study/prayer time, I can easily fall off or find myself relying solely on what I've read while on the train to and from work.
7. Do more talking with the kid. We are very close (praise God) but as she gets older there are certain conversations that are necessities for me. Don't want to find myself staring at an 18 year old who no longer think it necessary to listen to her mom. So one of our first convo's will be about her still being my child when she turns 18 LOL.
9. Pray for others more- doing so now but again it's sporadic want to compile a list of folks to pray for on a regular until that prayer is answered.
10. Love those who hate me - God is certainly working on me in this area and if I peep back into history I'm getting better but see that need to still grow. And especially on the job.

I'll stop with those 10, keep me in your prayers as I move forward with these things!!

Craziness in the Hood

2008-12-31T10:21:00.001-08:00

My bro's friend since elementary school told him to warn me about being careful in my neighborhood. Basically there is a specific corner that he's on often and some guys drove up on them and robbed them got back in their car. Now that I'm typing may be drug related, friend may not be selling but wouldn't wouldn't be surprise that it's going down on that corner. So may have been an targeted issue nevertheless I was being warned about the hold up being he often sees me walking down that block.

I've been wanting to buy a car which I was planning to do in the Spring but immediately thought, getting that car ASAP. Funny because I was just talking about not needing a car and well I don't when it comes to the reason I said it. Don't need a car to get around living in the city. However there is a comfort in having a card driving right to my door when there is chaos going on where you live.

Yet I never want to have the attitude of needing a car as if it's the only mode of transportation in the world. Or something protecting me other than Jesus Christ. Wisdom says to get a car for a few reasons. My church fam will not let you walk home although I'm walking distance from my house LOL which is a blessing but don't want to inconvenience anyone if I don't have to as well as having that additional vehicle to offer rides to those that don't have cars and aren't as conveniently located to the church as I am. Then I also take night classes that don't let out late and it's just better to get out of my car than to get off of the bus and walk to my house which involves passing that corner.

Yet and still God is the one that keeps me and encamp his angels around me, my home, my child etc. So I had to place focus on him rather than getting caught up in situations. There has been plenty of times when I'd get home and two seconds later hear gun shots coming from up the street or where I've taken a different route home thinking for no particular reason, to miss the same type of incident happening at the time I would have gone down the street. So He is indeed the keeper of his own folk.

I've felt/feel that God has me right where He does for a reason in terms of where I'm living so not sure that I'm leaving this area any time soon and never really wanted to until recently. ATL is looking rather nice right about now:) And not sure if it's the violence going on or what but now I feel that nudge to move on but don't think that's His will for me right now, especially being I haven't not seen the things He's placed on my heart specific to this area come to pass.

The crazy thing is my neighborhood would be considered one of the nicer ones, I've lived on this block most of my life, inheriting it after my mom's passing so I can give a history from the 70's into current day. It's going downhill as people move out, never know what's coming in behind them or elderly pass away and family members not caring about the upkeep of the home or that member who is most likely to need to lean on the rest of the family, gets the house or just the unguided youth of this time. We did our stuff but today it's like no respect or fear of anything.

But it's like I tell all other believers in this area that eventually get a desire to leave. Place that disdain in proper perspective, get out there and do something. Even if it's being an example in the neighborhood. Wives loving on husband husbands loving on wive raising up their children to have a standard singles representing their ability to be satisfied in Christ, and getting out to the neighbors showing them the hope that is in Jesus Christ. No matter how crazy things get, He is always the one in control and has the final say when it comes to who can touch a hair on our heads.

Still going to get that car because it's time:) Yet not because I'm looking for a little bit more safety nothing is guaranteed and truth be told I was more noit when I drove than not, who's going to jack me or snuff me out because I'm not driving to their expectations etc. So can't depend upon things to be our covering. And grateful for the warning so that wisdom will show me what to do in my surroundings but also to pray, to be more active in reaching out to the community and simply being light in darkness.

How should a husband and wife manage having opposite sex-drives?

2008-12-29T06:08:00.000-08:00

I came across this article via Desiring God's Twitter page I believe and the title caught my attention. Although I'm not married myself, I enjoy reading these sort of things for when/if I marry, as well as passing along to those that are married. I love how candid John Piper is when it comes to the sex topic and often surprised. Don't know why I expect less because the bible is candid in spite of how veiled many want to believe the topic should be or themselves fear it.

His short answer to the above question is 1 Corinthians 7 which says (in short can read full verse on blog) Do not withhold from each other your conjugal rights. This was one of my favorite verses as a new Christian. Because society likes to have well society:) believe that sex is for men women tolerate, put up with, and maybe enjoy but they don't have the drive that a male does or she doesn't get the same satisfaction as he does which is false. So to read Paul letting not just the men but the women know that her husband's body is for her it was like okay praise God:) And let me add not married abstinent for over 12 years and do not recommend tasting this gift outside of God's plan. Aside from all the pain associated with sex out of wedlock, the sin against God is not worth it and can lead to many struggles both in marriage and as you wait to marry. But that's another topic.

Back to the topic, belonging to one another is not about either in the relationship having their way as they please so much as it is about being their for the other persons pleasure as in I should desire to submit in that area to my husband not merely go off of how I feel about having sex at that moment. Where as society teaches the opposite, it's your body to do as you please so if you want to manipulate your husband by withholding sex from him because he didn't do something you wanted him to do by all means. Or if you don't like sex you don't have to address the issue it's your body you don't have to participate in the act if you don't want to. Then when an affair is had, the one withholding feels like a victim rather than a co-conspirator. I love how God's plans seek to be of good for both parties involved. Telling married couples to not withhold from one another except for mutual consent to commit to fasting and prayer and then come together again so that Satan doesn't get up in there with temptation, my paraphrased version peep verse in 1 Corinthians 7:5. And Piper ties it together in the article to show how it's a selfless act, not one to treat each other as tools to fulfill a personal need but to enjoy one another and seek one another's satisfaction.

At any rate, check out the article by piper here: http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/AskPastorJohn/ByTopic/12/3459/

The Gathering

2008-12-28T00:15:00.001-08:00

The Lord has blessed me to be the leader of a ministry at my church called The Gathering. It's bittersweet really, on one hand I'm seeing the promises of God manifest. On the other hand I'm facing much persecution due to people thinking they know "what will work" what shouldn't be done or did you do this that and the third right? And currently the volume of youth that are showing up so far or people in general. As people believe the numbers signify rather or not God's message is going fourth. That if the same event was greeted with a packed house, it would show that the "Lord's hand was on it". Yet I'm convicted that God isn't merely calling the Church to swell. That when the disciples went out and taught the word of God, that "the numbers increased daily (Acts 16:5)".

It was the strengthening and the decree that went fourth that added to the numbers not an event and that's what I'm praying for as far as The Gathering is concerned. Anyone can get hype off of an event and come out to support it oppose to having a fervent love for the Lord and drive to keep His commandments that they want to soak Him up at every given opportunity. So rather there is one or one hundred in attendance may it be due to the fact that either their drawn because the truth is evident, they come as enemies because the truth is evident, or they no longer return, because the truth is evident. But not because it's a nice place to be lukewarm and entertained within that fact.

I know that's one of several reasons I enjoy First Friday Fundamentals at Epiphany Fellowship. I cannot recall the 1st time I went but every month I sit in anticipation as to rather I'll be able to attend. I'm not driving currently (something I'm hoping to change come Spring:)) so I have to depend on the ride of others. Not so much getting there but going home not trying to hit up Philly streets that time of night on foot and praise God for the wisdom because young girl me would have cared less. But point being I love to go not because Shai Linne the rapper is hosting or because some other rapper will well rap LOL, but because God is glorified in the teaching. Everything is well thought out and planned and even that which may at first glimpse appear to be secular promotion, it all directs us to Christ. Equipping the believer to be in this world and not of it.

And that's my hope for The Gathering, the format isn't FFF praise God because I have to pray not to duplicate it quite honestly especially due to the platform and my love for what's being done in it. But that the teens (as well as adults that attend with them) walk away having grown more in the Lord or having revealed that they don't know Him. That it will be a "event" where the same faces are coming back monthly because they need to hear what thus saith the Lord, rather than sporadically only when someone they want to hear is "performing". And if one Friday the plan is to do nothing but pray for that evening, that I'm not greeted with an empty space. And that these young people have a place to speak on the things they'd dare not in other arenas/ministries.

It's again bittersweet, God is faithful and He's even further teaching me in this ministry, for one if He's not the standard I don't have a leg to stand on. If He's not the focus I'd be disappointed by the current turn out and if my love isn't directed towards Him, I'd missed all that He's saying not just to these youth but myself as well.

Pray with me saints of God as He uses me as He pleases within this ministry that I'd keep right focus, that He'd get His glory and that people walk away changed or walk away never to return because there is no place for such change in them.

What makes the difference?

2008-12-27T06:46:00.000-08:00

I spent Christmas in Jersey with my bro in law's fam actually, his aunt and cousins and it was a blessing. We were originally suppose to have Christmas at my brother's house but his in laws who often times have go work on the holidays found out they wouldn't be working after all so Christmas day was spent there for him and his fam.

We did go to my bro's house Christmas Eve however, we follow the tradition (to my surprise not everyone does this:)) were we get up or stay up until 12 midnight and open gifts. Back in the day it was mom doing the Santa thing and waking us up to get "the gifts he brought to us". Now being redeemed we don't do Santa LOL so it's simply enjoying that tradition and opening the things the Lord blessed us to be able to purchase/get/give.

Stayed up until 3 in the morning!!! Almost 2 year old niece included and from there went to my sis house in Jersey or Christmas day it was a blessing although a bit away from the norm.

Fast forwarding to why I'd originally thought to post this, yesterday my sis, niece and I were going out for some coffee and I'd asked if she'd go to McDonald's (my sis was driving). Thanksgiving was also spent in Jersey and on the way back to Philly during that time, my sis went to McDonald's and I said to myself, watch this taste better than what I get in Philly and it did. Who knows what made me think of that but I just knew the quality would be better. So yesterday I was like I want to go and get another authentic mcmuffin before I go back home because for whatever the reason it tastes better. The last one I'd brought in Philly was hard as a brick and I was salty because I'd brought it on my way to work so didn't find out until I was sitting at my desk 1/2 an hour away from the McDonald's I'd brought it from. I was tempted to hold it until the next morning and take it back but I know me in my flesh if they gave me a problem I would have been in there going off on folk, can't go off on folk and tell em about Jesus too so I opted to eat what I could and throw the rest away chalk it up to being a loss.

Now I usually check my food because there's always something wrong or someone neglecting to mention they've run out of an ingredient they assume I don't want LOL like the person who sold me a big mac, same McDonald's neglecting to tell me they ran out of special sauce ummm yeah I might want that otherwise I can just by a cheeseburger:).

But this time around, I'm distracted by the cashier fussin out a customer who claimed he'd asked for one thing, she's telling him he did not etc etc etc so I didn't take the time to check out my own food. Whereas service in Jersey service was excellent and fancy that everything was cooked correctly and had all of it's promised ingredients:).

Same thing a few weeks ago by bro and his fam went shopping in Delaware, went to Target brought some popcorn, the best popcorn I ever had in my life and customer service was insane, in a good way.

Now of course this isn't really about popcorn and mcmuffins not even a huge fan of Mickey D's anymore just tend to tolerate it, but it did get me to thinking. What is it bout Philly that makes the residence the way that we are. Short answer sin of course but what is the process that causes one part of the world to produce one way of thinking/being and another a completely different way. And literally having two places right next door present something that's a world apart. This isn't to say I only receive bad customer service and jacked food in Philly LOL but again these situations got me to thinking about this, that McDonald's is more of a true representation of the city whereas the Jersey experience, specific to where I was let me add Williamstown, was reflective of that area, can't say as much about DE because I'm not there enough to comment.

A sis from NY that comes to my church on Sunday's while here for college made the statement that people in Philly are nice. Myself and a long time resident (originally from VA) both commented on the fact that we feel the two to be equal just larger and therefore more of the ignant LOL. Back in the day a friend of mines and myself would go to NY like every other day, just if we wanted something to do and one day we decided to just up and go to the village, taking greyhound and public transportation. Well we got the bus we needed to go up, but on the way home it dawned on us, we came up a one way street so we would need to figure out how to get the bus back. Trying to do so without asking too many people LOL and getting fussed out by the ones we did ask, scolded for approaching strangers not get out of my face nut attitude. I was 21 at the time actually I remember because it was my bday and I wanted to buy some shoes that no body else would have in Philly LOL, to this day can still rock them at 35 and haven't seen another pair, yet also grateful for a change in mentality although I do want to go to NY to buy some shoes now, care less if someone else is rockin em.

Anyway so we're looking like tourists as we're searching for this bus stop and some guy decided to take advantage of that by messing with us as the "big bad Nyer" My friend and I looked at each other, then at him and proceeded to tell him how we are from Philly and we'd do abc xyz to him "YOU DON'T REALLY WANT IT WE PHILLY" LOL. FOOLISH as I think about it today, yet that's the type of boldness that many a Philadelphian rocks that they will dwell on your home turf and proceed to tell you how they're better. Yes NY included. If they're for the city mind you not every residence is a lover of it.

But it brings me back to the question, where does that stem from what is it about this city that makes the residence so hardened? OF course it's not the city itself but the people in it, shaping mindsets making the city as dirty as it is to where that's the most memorable thing to an outsider looking in. Being on the bus having no regard for the elderly as they either play their music on cell phones, cuss loud and crude and will curse you out too if you dare to approach them. Where customer service is truly a lost art and going to the manager only gets the cashier backed up, not correct the situation. Again this isn't a universal issue but prevalent enough to make mention.

And this isn't just a Philly thing I'm sure there are other cities that can say yeah you thought NY was bad spend a few days in "mention city here". So what makes the difference, gave the short answer sin, another short answer Satan seeking to kill, steal, and destroy, I'm a firm believer that he sets up things in different territories and it becomes the specific battle for the ministers in the area to recognize pray about kill via the word of God.

Which makes me ponder, what are we as God's chosen to get at these things? How are our individual places of residence being shaped because we're there, and not us but the Holy Spirit working through us to present the standard, show them the way to life?

Again me pondering:) But feel free to comment below, what's going on in your city, the sin that's specific to where you reside as well as what you see the Lord doing through His folk where you are?

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

2008-12-24T12:54:00.001-08:00

Welp it's Christmas Eve and I wanted to take some time out to wish everyone that checks out this blog a Merry Christmas. This may be the 1st year that I'm not buggin about money spending and the greed/consumerism of the holiday. I always felt that the one were seeking to celebrate, Jesus Christ is the last person we think on. Perhaps because I myself purposed in my heart not to do a lot of shopping and to give to those that are not among my household and focus on those close to me that is causing my change in thinking.

Then I'm really looking forward to celebrating with my family who are (at least a good number are) believers as well. Celebrating Him doesn't have to mean focusing on say a set way of doing things but giving Him glory in how we love and reflect His love to others. For instance I was reading a review for Candice Water's book Help Get Married. Not even sure why actually I must have clicked on it.....okay I know why I'd commented to a past review and went to view responses. The negative reviews took issue with some of what the book stated and mentioned that our desire should be in the Lord and not seeking a mate (paraphrased statement). I felt the thought unfair being the nature of the book being this isn't a review of it, won't get into heavy detail of it.

What is making me think of it is, at some point in my response I mentioned that we can glorify God in marriage, being that marriage is an earthly example of Christ's love for the church. It's true those desires have to be properly submitted, examined etc. But the mere mention of the desire seems to put many in a frenzy followed with a need of the individual in said frenzy to warn people to love and hope in the Lord not marriage. Problem is not everyone who desires marriage, have an off desire or seeking to be fulfilled via a mate and at times it's even His shaping the desire and drawing people to one another. And therefore He's glorified (my statement also paraphrased:))

Tying into Christmas, just because some, okay many are consumed by the buying an out doing each other etc. Doesn't mean that's everyones agenda and my primary focus is for it not to be my own. Even if it means being a light among those who do make that their primary focus. Rather than stating my stance of not falling into the traps. Showing love and being a godly example of how this holiday can be enjoyed without going broke.

So I'm looking forward to doing just that enjoying family and friends. Thanking and praising my Lord, the only one born to die and for someone so unworthy as myself. It's amazing and I for one and so grateful for His sacrifice.

I pray that you and yours have a very Merry Christmas, that you enjoy your family and friends. And if you have neither to speak of I pray the peace of the Lord will consume you. That you will enjoy Him and love on Him. Dig into His word get to know Him all the more.

Isaiah 9:6 For unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given; And the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 7:14 Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign: Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a Son, and shall call His name Immanuel.

Luke 1:30-33 Then the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bring forth a Son, and shall call His name Jesus. He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Highest; and the Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David. And He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of His kingdom there will be no end."

Grace & Peace Donna aka faith215

Design Watch-Real Time Photoshop

2008-12-23T05:19:00.000-08:00

Isn't this cool. For Photoshop users or those at least familiar with their layout. Here is a real life version of Photoshop showing the actual tools, paints artboard etc. To see the process and a better shot of this picture, visit their flickr here

God at work Part II

2008-12-23T05:16:00.000-08:00

It would be me writing about work during my two week vacay LOL. At any rate, don't want this post to go dead without coming back to it.

So as I was saying in the 1st post, coworker is wanting to quit because he feels this isn't a good environment for a Christian, he's stressed etc etc. Got me to thinking what ultimately makes us Christian and in relation to this post how are we to respond as Christians in such work environments? And let me and specifically because of some of the activities of this individual makes me wonder if he is indeed a Christian and honestly how he can see an offense.

Lastly stating how he has some basis for his gripe however I do wonder if he feels the way he does out of being grieved or is it yet another case of someone who sees Christ religiously and therefore unable to see how to be Christian in a sin filled world.

On one hand the scriptures tell us to come out from among them and to be separate 2 Corinthians 6:17

: Therefore "Come out from among them And be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, And I will receive you. NKJV

But on the other hand we're told to let our lights shine before men Matthew 5:16

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.

One of those things that the unbeliever loves to point at and say ah ha contradicted themselves here. However on the 1st account God is calling His people whom He'd chosen to come out be separate set apart to walk in the newness of the Spirit and not the deadness of the flesh. This is an internal work that will manifest externally. So I won't be up in a strip club dollars in hand talking about I'm letting my light shine, in that instance I would reject such a place because I've been set apart. Yet if one of my neighbors work at that same club I wouldn't shun them I'd give them the gospel.

So on the other hand we are to let our to let our lights shine before men and that's mankind not just males:) Which brings me back to the work situation. Although because of the particular work environment it can call for more lifestyle choices to be up in our faces and for the sake of not totally revealing where I work, think on the fashion industry or cosmetology. So say I work at a salon and have in the past where there are homosexuals working there, I wouldn't suddenly not work at a hair salon or even that particular salon. I would again let my light shine, steer away from any conversation that isn't edifying and probably turn down some outings with coworkers but that would be the case anywhere I work unfortunately even in some Christian settings/environments. What would cause me to leave is if that lifestyle somehow made it's way into the business, being an integral part of it like say a couples package or something of the sort. And taking that stand in a secular environment could be the tool God uses to draw someone, or it could mean for you persecution and nothing more. Could mean bad days at work with seemingly no rewards. And let me be clear all environments aren't up for participation. As I stated I wouldn't go to and for the sake of the topic, work at a strip club.

The thing that usually makes me want to leave my job is the fact that people seek to gain power by stepping on or over everyone else. But as I was reading the notes in my ESV Study bible, the meek will inherit the earth on the basis of NOT doing these things. Once I realized it was my own flesh wanting to react to what was being done to me or others, not the wrongness of it and how they're sinning against the LORD than I was able to see things more clearly. Not that things don't bother me, but just enough for me to know this isn't a permanent place for me, God has me here as stated in last post for a specific reason and teaches me not to be that way and think I'm getting ahead in how I treat others.

So bottom line is yielding to Him and doing what He says do rather if led by the Holy Spirit or led by the written word. And the Holy Spirit won't lead you apart from the word let me add. But conviction can indeed come from something God has stated in His word but we also have to ensure we're rightly dividing the word of truth. That we're drawing our conclusions off of what it says not how we've translated it or how we feel in relation to what it says solely what God has spoken to us via His word.

My coworker goes through this all of the time, so I'm praying for an opportunity to get into conversation with him about it biblically as I wasn't able at the time he'd approached me.

Yet I encourage anyone going through the same to examine the situation before being quick to leave. Important point is that it's examined because if the issue lies in you it'll go with you wherever you go. Common sense at times can let us know when it's time to go so not suggesting anyone stay in a dead end position thinking it' glorifying God. However am suggesting before one says it isn't ensure they know what He has to say about such situations.

I have tons of Job posts to put up so I'm sure I'll be back on this one:)

Faith in the 215-Stephen Brindle's EPK

2008-12-22T15:51:00.000-08:00

This is a new feature I'm adding to put more focus on the whole purpose of me starting this blog:) Featuring individuals, ministries etc. of the faith here. Really isn't about this city so much as a platform to bring attention to what the Lord is doing in this area.

Up first is Stephen Brindle's EPK:

His Love Story- A Boundless Article

2008-12-21T14:40:00.000-08:00

There is a great article on boundless.org in relation to marriage. It features stories of different ways God brought two people together. I know in my experience of asking about marriage (in the past let me add) people often times would give their stories which is great but limiting because they couldn't see beyond what God had done for them so say someone that wasn't looking to marry met and married their husband, they can't comprehend someone saying they desire to marry and seeking wisdom, prayer etc from the body. Or a guy saying he's seeking a wife. So this article is a blessing and testimony of the many ways God can orchestrate relationships.

You can peep the article here.

God at Work Part I

2008-12-19T08:27:00.000-08:00

I had a conversation with my coworker this morning that lead me to thinking. First of all, what is it that ultimately make us Christian, not asking with a lack of knowledge concerning my question but more so pondering. Let me explain the situation.

Coworker informs me he may be leaving this place of work because he's really stressed, doesn't like the current leader in the company not as a person but lifestyle choices and "it's not a right environment for a Christian".

In talking to this coworker specifically concerning Christianity, I don't plead the fifth but I've learned in past situations/rebukes not to point fingers the way that I may want to. As much as we can speak on things concerning doctrine, I find myself wondering if he's indeed saved and therefore pray for him and refute that which is needed without opening up arguments. Which is what caused me to ponder, what ultimately makes us Christian and how are we to respond to diverse situations.

Certainly there are working conditions that are to be if not totaly avoided before even considered applying for them, left because it presents such a struggle or would be like casting pearls before swine. I too can relate to his desire to leave for these reasons. The issue for me is on a personal level I know the Lord has me hear for a reason one getting educated for free in the area of print and web design. The other, I've witnessed to individuals who may have only had a church experience, never heard the gospel. As well as believers who also know more church experience than gospel. Although indeed saved by grace through faith, the walking it out would be a bit scketchy and knowing God purposely brought us together to edify, not just me doing so but being as well.

Then there is the issue of being in the culture not of it. Opportunities a plenty present themselves to be a light in darkness. Not participating in certain functions, attitudes and language how we respond to things etc. I know for a fact that the Lord has shown me undeserved favor on the job from being made into a permanent employee after temping for several years to promoting me rather quickly through the ranks to which I just recently mentioned to said coworker these promotions are coming from Him not man or my own ability because truth be told I'm still clueless and in it all get praised for a job well done.

And it is indeed these things I have to dwell on when I'm about ready to bounce myself yet at the end of the day when the desire is to glorify God in all areas, it won't be emotions or discomfort that'll drive us away from a place but the desire to do His will live out this life for Him. And I simply don't see that being the case here. Will do a part to to speak more on it and certainly not beating up on coworker so much as using this situation to reflect on some things:)

On the weight loss front

2008-12-18T09:43:00.000-08:00

Okay so for those who'd followed me on theskinty.com or via theskinty on myspace. I'd mentioned I'd take down the site for a bit and either create a separate blog or blog on here. Decided to blog on here for now.

My goal for the skinty was not to be a site where I'd say I've done it now you can do it too, but a support system where myself and other believers came together as a means of accountability learning from one another praying for one another etc. While obtaining our goals. However it became work and lots of it, with no signs of growth. There is a balance to that we do not want to be totally dependent on anyone but God HOWEVER, it's God who calls us to one another, to be accountable to one another not being God but getting in where they can as being led by God. That's something so overlooked in an as long as I got Jesus I don't need anyone mentality or if you need me, it shows a weakness in the faith. Where as because of Jesus, I can humble myself and ask for help where needed and when received He gets total glory and when not received He still gets total glory:)

So hope to reinstate the site again sometimes soon am still continuing on in getting the weight off but focusing on that rather than the upkeep of a site as well.

So with that said, I will be posting on here and hope to some day see the vision of The Skinty realized for other women which will mean being on there after losing unfortunately. And nothing wrong with that, my only beef with that is we can get caught up in trying to be like so and so and doing what so and so did rather than doing what's best for us and our bodies our struggles or weaknesses. Yet I can still speak on those things even if someone is seeking to do what I'd done and sometimes that just is the key for someone else, seeing the success of someone that did it before them.

So with all of that said, I'll begin probably next week doing a weekly log. I'm sick this week so my judgement isn't too reliable and if I get enough readers who are interested in participating, will do some challenges with fellow bloggers on here.

****This was actually written earlier in the week so feeling much better:)

Looking forward to getting this stuff off!! Once and for all.

Great message from Josh Harris

2008-12-17T09:34:00.000-08:00

And let me add, there are plenty of women that this applies to as well, insert gender role where needed:)

No Poo

2008-12-16T08:20:00.000-08:00

Okay this is a post I'd promised to do way back when I first started blogging and due to the downtime I mentioned in my previous post, I'm able to sit down and do it now.

Okay the no poo method of cleaning one's hair. First let me explain why I decided to try it. When I decided to try this method, I had a little afro (currently locing via loc extensions). My little afro would get extremely dry and therefore would break often. The drying was due to commercial shampoos which has an ingredients in it called Ammonium Laureth Sulfate and Sodium lauryl sulfate which helps create the pretty lather in the product yet dries out the hair. Hence my dried out lil fro. I'd heard of the no poo method which is an alternative to using these harsh chemicals but wasn't convinced it could clean my hair yet decided to try it.

The 1st method I tried and did so on my daughter was the conditioning wash. Basically you buy a conditioner like White Rain and use it to wash your hair. You put it on and rub the scalp, being sure to concentrate on the hair as well and do so just as you would when washing the hair with shampoo. I found that my daughter's curl pattern was more dominant I could finger comb through her hair without a lot of tangling and very little shedding.

The downfall I find with this method is that it doesn't help with product build up, including the conditioner itself. Therefore the method to aid in this is the vinegar and/or baking soda wash. And I found a nice detailed instruction on these processes via instructables so I'll direct you to it: http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-Go-No-Poo/.

I'm still feeling my way around these methods because I've adapted to the conditioner wash to the point that that's what I'll go to before the vinegar/baking soda, until build up is experienced.

I personally like each method, they save you money doesn't strip your hair of their natural oils and prevent contact with harsh chemicals that can also be linked to disease. It can take a little bit getting use to especially being there won't be the lather or that squeaky clean feeling but the hair and scalp is indeed clean.

At home sick-a time of rest

2008-12-16T08:06:00.000-08:00

Welp I'm at home sick with some sort of virus. Yesterday I couldn't even get out of bed to get to the doctor's which I have to go to to pick up a referral. Today I'm feeling a little better, but my poor child caught it and is suffering what I did yesterday.

By little better I can eat and sit up. However I'm grateful because I'm getting much needed rest and able to do something as small as writing this blog. Yet feel bad because I'll be off for two weeks beginning at the end of day Friday and so a lot of work will be on hold. Not so bad that I'll drag in sick LOL but I know work will suffer, even if I get in at the end of the week and will also mean more work for me when I come back Jan 5th.

Which brings me back to being grateful because I'll be able to go in afresh ready to work and probably even grateful for the load because it'll keep me busy through out the day, even the 1st week.

I'm also grateful for some rest from my night classes. It can be tough working full time taking care of home working in ministry at church and going to classes two nights a week that gets me home late. The payoff in each area is wonderful yet if not careful to prioritize and take time away when needed, we can indeed become run down and in turn useless in each of the areas we're trying to work so hard in.

So bottom line of my posting LOL is I'm sick but I'm grateful because it's allowing me some much needed rest and right before a long break that will provide more needed rest. Now I just have to hold to not filling each second with stuff and take advantage of resting and being refreshed.

Design Watch-Green Genes design

2008-12-16T01:13:00.000-08:00

Love this design, and doesn't hurt that these are some of my favorite colors:)

Source: http://funnel-eric-kass.blogspot.com/

Shooting the breeze again:)

2008-11-18T03:58:00.000-08:00

Welp here we are again with a lacking in posts:) I've concluded that I'll need to dedicate time to post or it just won't get done. The design posts I tend to schedule a few in advance but can't really do that when I want to speak on something relevant in my life for that moment, don't know what's going to be relevant a week from now compared to what is today.

What I can say to be relevant to date is the fact that I've just read (well about two weeks ago now) one of John Piper's new books titled This Momentary Marriage. I'm kinda in a place where, I haven't lost my desire to marry but at the same time I feel ready to move past the topic and I know that's more frustration than conviction. This book puts the desire and purpose of marriage into proper perspective. If we're studying our word we know that (and of course that's dependent on where one is in their walk) marriage is an earthly example of Christ's love for the Church. Husband in the "role" of Christ, put that in quotes because it's an example of His love not his authority spiritually you cannot die and save her soul fellas:) And wife represents the church where children represents disciples. Piper takes what the word clearly states and presents further example via his own marriage as well as other areas of scripture that encourages both the married and the single. I'd recommend this book for every believer rather you're are single and content to be as in no desire whatsoever to marry because it ultimately points to Christ and it's a good tool for speaking with those that do have the desire to marry. We can sometimes place singleness as being higher than marriage and vice versa so when someone comes with a legit desire for either, it get shut down by opinion or personal conviction. And by personal conviction I don't mean what's cool for you isn't cool for me, something that can be used to condone sin but there are areas where one can have a conviction to do or not do and not another, a male isn't necessarily called to pastor simply because he's male for example. But saying that to say we can guide others by our convictions rather than by the word of God.

I'm grateful to God all that He's teaching me on marriage, I use to take every book on marriage that I'd read as being for me so when I marry I'm ready, that's partly true it is something you want to prepare for however He's been using these resources to teach me about Himself. Rather I marry or not doesn't signify what or how I learn of Him.

On that note, gotta get ready for work so have to end it here:)

Design Watch-Don't Waste your Catalog

2008-11-18T03:56:00.000-08:00

This is one of the reasons I'm both studying and representing design on this site:)

Design Watch- Logo Creation

2008-11-11T02:38:00.000-08:00

Here is a logo design process from one of my favorite design websites, you can check out the process here.

The Outcome 2008 Election

2008-11-05T13:22:00.001-08:00

I've been pondering all day on what to post about concerning the newly elected President Obama's win. One one hand you can't deny history being the first elected "black" president. On the other hand I wrestle with the truth that to reference him as simply a black man is to deny his roots. As I feel about the Halle Berry's the Jazmine Guy's the Lisa Bonet's etc. of the world. On one hand history has been made not only in his being elected, but the #'s at the polls were staggering and the states that sealed the deal for him is like wow! On the other hand I'm reminded of the marchers who rally for Mumia while knowing very little about what they're marching for. Some simply not wanting to be ranked among the prejudiced and hateful. On one had I had some issues with what Obama represents the truth not the lies told of him, on the other wasn't that strong on that of McCain's.

My bottom line? I'm glad God is in control of my life not an election. I get to see a glimpse of maturity in my walk (not thinking I stand let me add!!) because I'm sure there is a time where not only would I not have had any on the other hands I would have been down right irate concerning his win. Nevertheless I focus on God's sovereignty and pray that this is an issue of conviction that's going to be done in this man's heart, not a further downhill slide for this country when it comes to morals.

And I hope when Obama looks back on pictures like these if one of his two daughters do find they've "made a mistake" he'd remember the love he had for them and not stand for the murder of that which comes from his bloodline.....all I know is there will be much prayer to be had if I'm to keep that focus on God's will and not man's evil heart.

Design Watch- Fedex Logo

2008-11-04T04:30:00.000-08:00

Did you ever notice the arrow in the fedex logo? This one is a wee bit tiny so have to look closely. But it's pretty cool.

Just shooting the breeze

2008-11-03T08:27:00.000-08:00

Time can (seemingly) go by so that before you know it an entire week can go by without even realizing it. That's the reason why it's been so long since my last post.

Things got a bit busy so haven't had an opportunity to post. However love it when it's a good busy. For The Skinty readers, I just joined a gym and I'm excited about that. Literally like 10 minutes ago. I'd been wrestling with the idea for some time now. On one had I didn't want to join a gym figuring it would be better/cheaper to just invest in another treadmill. On the other hand that wasn't working for me:) I can get in a groove of working out at home just to stop short due to the room being either too hot or too cold and not being able to properly adjust it. Easier to get into a comfort zone when I do this. AND well I think that's it:) Reasons why I didn't want to join the gym is extra cost, the attitude that can be found at some gyms of having this perfect body. Preferring to join an all women's gym but not having any near me to do so etc.

Bottom line however is, the weight needs to come off permanently and I hadn't been making efforts lately to continue the process. I'd stop walking with a friend of mines a few months ago and haven't been active since. It was hard waking up an extra hour daily but felt so good once I got out there and once I finished. Before the holidays hit, thought it the perfect time to get at this thing and get the pounds off.

I've also been busy with school and a ministry in which the Lord has blessed me to lead called The Gathering. I've created a blog to track the event details/dates at thegatheringpa.blogspot.com. It's exiting to do something that I know God placed on my heart to do some time ago. Not just the ministry but working with the youth. And looking forward to everything He has in store for it.

Lastly I'm reading a book by John Piper called This Momentary Marriage. The book is awesome and is about what the title describes it to be, marriage. But Piper dives into the topic in a way that points the reader to Christ. Which ultimately puts focus on our relationship with Him. As a single this is probably the 1st book I've read on marriage where the goal is so clear and that need to be a "good wife" is necessary to both the married and single. Certain points in the book hit close to home as a single. Although I did buy it so that I can learn more about the topic and preparing in the event I'll walk down the aisle one day. However it's one of those books where even if the desire isn't there for the one reading, a Paul of this era so to speak. They could read this book and grow in their faith oppose to it being something they'd read for someone else who desires marriage or so that they're able to rightly divide the word when the subject comes up. Rather it points the reader to the fact that we're the bride of Christ and the commitment shared between Him and us.

And that's about it for right now, hopefully will be able to be more consistent in posting in the days to come.

Awesome!-Paul Washer on Christian Rap

2008-10-24T03:30:00.001-07:00

Way to put things into perspective!!!

2008-10-22T05:10:00.000-07:00

Design Watch- Fonts

2008-10-21T05:50:00.000-07:00

I love fonts in design, however when I'm trying to create myself. Rather it's a logo, poster, flyer whatever the case. I never ever ever never am satisfied with the fonts I chose, can't quite get the look that I want or not 100% on what it is I want to achieve.

So it helps when you can seek help outside of the basis provide with whatever program is being used to create said flyer, poster etc. And of course to be able to utilize free ones is always a lovely thing.

So saying all that to say:) Here is a website where you can access all type of free font loveliness:) Feelin the example on the left and I'm sure if I used it in anything I'd debate it to death too as to rather to go with it or something else:) The link to the site is http://www.girlswhowearglasses.com.

Death by Love

2008-10-20T07:54:00.000-07:00

The Uprising

2008-10-17T05:52:00.000-07:00

Steelroots has a new reality show called The Uprising. It's about 3 skate boarders who utilize their gift in that area to spread the gospel to those that come in their path. Below is the 1st video for the series. HUGE blessing and convicting of not just the call but how simple it is to get out there and reach people in the everyday.

For more info, go to steelroots.com

Okay, this won't embed without starting automatically so here is the link to the show instead http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid1859670918/bclid1847441914/bctid1858953291.

Root Root Root for the home team!:)

2008-10-16T05:53:00.000-07:00

As the post title implies I'm rooting for the home team here and in no way shape or form know anything about baseball. So I won't waste your time trying to create a post that gives a spill of the events that took place last night. All I know is the Phillies one Dodgers lost yay us:)

I may actually break down a buy a jersey to rock!! This city will be bananas if they take it all of the way.

Here is a clip of last nights game:

The Hair Salon- How hair grows

2008-10-16T05:41:00.000-07:00

I have a feeling hair will be a frequently visted topic here so I decided to utilize the opportunity to do a feature on the subject. The first is a bit of science behind how our hair grows. It's good to know about this because then we can know what's best for our hair.

Topic 1: Structures of the Hair

Formation of the Hair Bulb
While a baby is a fetus, the hair follicle is formed in the upper layer of the skin from a cluster of cells. These cells are called the primitive hair germ. Primitive hair germ cells get their nourishment by working their way down into the dermal layer of the skin. This cluster of cells creates a follicle as they pull the upper layer down in their search for nourishment, thereby creating a pocket known as the root sheath. Out of this sheath the hair will grow. Hair grows from stem cells. These cells grow directly under the oil (sebaceous) glands. As the cells continue to grow, the nucleus of the cells disappears and the cells become keratinized.

What Gives Hair its Shape
The shape of the hair shaft is determined by the shape of the hair follicle. People with straight or wavy hair have typically round or oval shaped hair follicles. The hair follicle of hair that is curly or overly curly is elliptical in shape.

Structures of the hair

Sebaceous Glands
Other changes take place in the hair follicle. Small, sac-like glands appear on the upper part of the follicle. One of the glands is the sebaceous gland. The function of these glands is to produce a substance called sebum. This substance is secreted into the hair follicle to lubricate and condition the hair and the skin. Sebum is a mixture of fats, proteins, cholesterol, alcohol and salts. When sebum mixes with the perspiration on your skin, it forms what is called the "acid mantle". This acid mantle is what protects your skin from bacteria and infections.

Arrector Pili Muscle
Just below the sebaceous gland, in the follicle is the arrector pili muscle. This is the muscle that causes you to have "goose bumps" or causes your hair to stand on end when you are cold or scared.

Dermal Papilla
A small cone-shaped elevation is located at the base of the hair follicle. This is the dermal papilla. The dermal papilla fits into the hair bulb and contains the blood and nerve supply, which nourish the cells around the hair bulb for growth. These cells are the germinal matrix cells. The germinal matrix area is where mitosis takes place and produces the keratin, which forms the three layers of the hair.

Growth Cycles of the Hair
Hair, like most living things goes through cycles of growth. Hair goes through three cycles which are repeated over and over. The three cycles are the anagen, catagen and telogen phase. The gowth phase of hair is known as the anagen phase. In this stage the stem cells manufacture new keratinized cells and the hair grows faster than any other time. This stage lasts about four years. In the catagen phase of growth the follice goes through many changes. During this stage, the follicle canal shrinks,the hair bulb disappears and the hair root becomes rounded. The melanocytes stop producing color pigments and the dermal papilla shrinks. During this phase the follicle is preparing for new growth. This stage lasts from two to three weeks. The resting stage of hair growth is called the telogen phase. It is during this stage that the old hair shaft is shed. Often the hair bulb is still anchored to the follicle walls. When this happens the hair remains in place until the anagen stage and then it is pushed out. This resting phase last for approximately one hundred days. The cycle repeats itself over and over every four to five years.

Glossary of Terms

Arrector Pili Muscle – small involuntary muscle fibers in the skin attached to the base of the hair follicle.

Dermal Papilla – an elevation of the projecting corium into the overlying epidermis.

Follicle – a small secretory cavity or sac; the depression in the skin containing the hair root.

Germinal matrix – an area of reproducing cells situated around the papilla at the base of the hair bulb.

Hair bulb – the lower extremity of the hair.

Sebaceous glands – oil glands of the skin connected to hair follicles